I had told my friend Beka before a spinning class we took together at the gym that when workouts get hard, I just think about Rachel and I can push through cause I can do anything for her.
That first class, during the last big incline, the instructor was encouraging us and said "It's Friday, what'd you come in here for?!"
I of course, thought of Rachel. I've had a lot of challenging Fridays.
At the next class, I got there late. And during the last stretch of incline, he said we had 3 minutes left. He said "Keep going! You can do anything for 3 minutes!"
I of course, thought of Rachel... I waited for her heart to stop for 43 minutes... I can petal a bike for 3. I thought to myself.
When the song ended and he told us to start cool down, my clock on my bike was at exactly 43 minutes.... only because I came in late. Everyone else was at around 53 or whatever.
And this was the song that came next:
You are the best thing that's ever happened to me sweet girl ♥
I drove a while after class to go to my moms. I did a lot of thinking and crying and I don't really know what to say about it except I just wish it didn't hurt so bad. I thought by now I would feel better - and I guess I do. But I'm starting to feel like a freak that literally every minute of the day I think about her. Nothing changes it.... not time, blogging or not blogging, talking about her or not talking about her, fighting tears or letting them flow, busy or still.... she's always on my mind. Even when everyone else around me is doing something else and thinks I am too.
It's a lonely place.... but the lyrics of this song say it all....
I promised her my love before she was even conceived. She will get it - wholeheartedly - for the rest of my life. My love song for her might just be a sad one at times - she's still (one of) the best thing(s)that's ever happened to me.