I used to like roller coasters...

This roller coaster isn't so much fun. Had a meeting with the Dr. today. Managed to hold it together while I went through my list of questions, that unfortunately she really couldn't answer many of, and then sobbed all the way home. I never have liked the "unknown" and there are so many in our near future. The only thing that seems certain is the one thing my heart is screaming to not have to do. And even as I write this I'm riding the ups & downs because I know that God is certain - regardless of my circumstances, He never changes. I know His character and I KNOW He cares. I just don't understand. After we lost our 3rd baby to miscarriage, I remember saying to God over & over, "I don't understand, but I trust You" - I feel this same way now, maybe more so, but back then I was grieving a loss that already happened...this time, I have to wait for it. And I'm not good at waiting either. I felt sick to my stomach as I dialed the number to the cemetary to reserve her spot. Our reality is painful.