I went to WIC this morning and let the girls who work there all know that Rachel has anencephaly. Last week I had some cards made up with the blog address on it so that I can easily share our story and the strength we are finding in the shadows of God's wings. I want the world to know how amazing my little girl is and how amazing our God is.
Anyway, as I handed them out one by one, I was so blessed by the way these women responsed. One woman asked what anencephaly was and if I was sure there was nothing that could be done. When I explained it, she said nothing, gave me a big hug and cried with me and then told me "God is good and He is with you". I'm not sure I've received a more simple and touching response from anyone so far. She did not try to explain it for me or tell me why I should be okay with it. It was exactly what I needed after the week I have had - It's been a tough one. The next woman immediately smiled and asked if she could touch my belly and then offered to do a belly cast for just the cost of supplies and then, she too, gave me a big hug and cried with me.
As I was on my way out, I overheard someone talking about needing to get to Options for Women because they give her diapers to help her out. My ears perked up because Options is near & dear to my heart. I was not only blessed by being able to help this girl out, but I ended up being able to have a conversation with her about why I love Options for Women and how I feel about the "choice" the Dr's offered us when they diagnosed our baby. I also gave her the card with the blog address so she will know why someone like me has a heart to help people. And she too, gave me a big hug! I was blessed with 3 great big hugs by women I know little or not at all - all because of my baby! She brings me so many blessings.
Have you ever seen the movie A Bronx Tale? I almost hate to bring it up cause it's been ages since I've watched it and it's kind of mean, but as a kid, we watched it over and over and over and over - and we know the movie by heart. I was thinking of that line where Sonny tells Calogero that the worst thing in life is wasted talent. I was talking to my sister about this today and I said that I planned on blogging that I disagree - she quickly replied that she wasn't sure it was a good idea to tell a gangster he's wrong, but I've got some Italian blood myself, so I ain't scared. He's wrong. The worst thing in life is wasted opportunity. (obviously next to not knowing God - which can also be considered a wasted opportunity if you feel the tug on your heart from Him and are ignoring it!!)
I drove home in tears of gratitude today that God is giving me the ability to see Him in this and to recognize that Rachel's life may not be what we think life is "supposed" to be - she might not live 100 years, but that there is opportunity in it. And I intend to make the most of it. I am not going to waste a chance to share the love of God with someone through this trial. I am not going to miss my opportunity to teach her things ( I taught her how to shave her legs the other day in the shower) and to read to her (we're reading through Ecclesiastes together) to talk to her (I tell her the things we do throughout the day and how amazing her Daddy is), to sing to her (songs of praise), to rock her (every Sunday in church I rock her during worship). I am not going to miss the opporunity to help her leave her mark in the world and to help her change hearts and show people Who God Is.
He is good. He is powerful. He is awesome. He is able. He is in control. He is love. He is sovereign.
I am so thankful for the opporunity that He is giving me to make the most out of this baby girl's life. He could have given her to anyone and He chose me. I get the opportunity of knowing her and loving her in a way that no other human will ever know. I get the opportunity to show her off to the world and to boast in what the Lord is doing through her. He is giving me the opportunity to have no regrets - To love without abandon and to trust Him. If it wasn't for Him, I'd be missing this all. I would be curled up in a ball crying the time away, because without Him, I couldn't do this. I would be too afraid to love because it would put me at risk of hurting more. I would not see the opporunity that lies in this trial.
The shadow of His wings are sheltering me and carrying me along. (kinda like drafting in racing!) He is making the way and I stay close and follow His lead - and there, in that place alone, I can sing for joy.
Your post today reminded me of this poem. I guess because I am a "bird person".
ReplyDeleteLESSONS FROM GEESE
by Milton Olson, adapted by Angeles Arrien
FACT 1
As each goose flaps its wings it creates an "uplift" for the birds that follow. By flying in a "V" formation, the whole flock adds 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew alone.
LESSON
People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going quicker and easier because they are traveling on the thrust of one another.
FACT 2
When a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of flying alone. It quickly moves back into formation to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird immediately in front of it.
LESSON
If we have as much sense as a goose we stay in formation with those headed where we want to go. We are willing to accept their help and give our help to others.
FACT 3
When the lead goose tires, it rotates back into the formation and another goose flies to the point position.
LESSON
It pays to take turns doing the hard tasks and sharing leadership. As with geese, people are interdependent on each other's skills, capabilities and unique arrangements of gifts, talents or resources.
FACT 4
The geese flying in formation honk to encourage those up front to keep up their speed.
LESSON
We need to make sure our honking is encouraging. In groups where there is encouragement, the production is much greater. The power of encouragement (to stand by one's heart or core values and encourage the heart and core of others) is the quality of honking we seek.
FACT 5
When a goose gets sick, wounded or shot down, two geese drop out of formation and follow it down to help and protect it. They stay with it until it dies or is able to fly again. Then, they launch out with another formation or catch up with the flock.
LESSON
If we have as much sense as geese, we will stand by each other in difficult times as well as when we are strong.
Love you always & pray for her miracle daily, Mom
You inspire me dear one. I haven't any doubt that God is using you and Rachel to draw many near to him. I am thankful that you know him, and that I know you. With love and earnest prayers, Nancy A.
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