I thought I was feeling pretty good this morning. I was tired, but totally oblivious to the fact that I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown.
I was up entirely way too late last night (as usual), and of course that combined with the bathroom runs and heartburn, I had another night of too little sleep. Combine that with anemia and it's safe to say that I'm not on top of things.
So, all it took was a mix up of scheduling my week (I had no idea what day I had to do what or where I needed to be when, or when I needed a sitter or didn't) and I started crying. I cried...and cried some more...and cried some more. My original thought was "I can't remember anything...I can't keep anything straight", at which point my friend quickly interjected that I have a ton going on. That didn't seem to make me feel better though and my thoughts went to "I have WAY too much going on - how is one person supposed to do all this?" and from there, I was all over the place... "I can't believe I am going to go through all this and all I'm going to have left is this blanket - I'm carrying around a stupid blanket as if it's going to bring me any comfort later, knowing that it's in the ground with my baby. I can't believe this is really happening to me... I can't believe this is real. This is not fair. How am I supposed to do this?" And I cried...and I cried...and I cried some more. I sat in the sanctuary alone sobbing for 30 minutes knowing that there is no turning back. There's no way out. And it's not going to get any easier from here.
Stacy Aube wow you are so in my prayers and my church as well you have so many who are right there beside you the first person you have beside you is God our Father He so loves you and your family keep your head up high and keep the Faith going in your heart I am not good at talking sorry for give me Father you know Stacy Aube and her family and what they are going through God they need you right now more than anything please send down your Angles to watch over this family this baby who will be born soon Rachel what a wonderful name she will be born and be healthy God no matter what please God keep your hands on this family I pray all this is your Holy Mighty name Father Amen
ReplyDeleteGod Graces are holding you and the family. Much Love always to you.
ReplyDeleteRebecca B.S. xo
Stacy,
ReplyDeleteYour post today has reminded me of "Footprints."
You have gently & often reminded us that it is only through God's grace that you are making it through each day. Our Father has been walking alongside you, holding you, whispering love & strength, truth & peace into your heart...
Two sets of Footprints.
You're right, "there's no turning back, no way out, it isn't going to get any easier." However, you can continue to surrender your heart & be broken before Him, completely humbled in His arms. The time is upon you to not only let Him hold you and walk alongside you, but to let Your Father in Heaven, who absolutely adores you and desperately aches for you, carry you down this impossible path. Rest in the hope & knowledge that He is now carrying you. In all His strength & glory, with His promise of eternity, His promise of completion & perfection, only through His son, Christ Jesus...
One set of Footprints.
with love & prayers,
shannan
How I wish I could wave a magic wand and make all the pain go away. This has definately been a year of standing in the middle of the storm and feeling completely impotent. Please try to take good care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteI love you, Mom
Stacy, it´s hard so find words. I only wanted to tell you: I am very, very sorry to read that you are not well...
ReplyDeleteGod bless you,
Auntie Lolo
from Germany (auntie from Valentina)
Only Our Father God could plan the dates He chooses in our lives, as our family lost a baby boy Dec 21...but it gave a new picture of His own son's birth and return to Him such a short time later...He does have a plan. One day we shall see as He sees now! May His Grace carry you on....
ReplyDeleteStacy,
ReplyDeleteI am continuously praying for you and for the survival of baby Rachel after her birth. Have faith. Remember Jesus when he told a few people (only a few) "go in peace, your faith saved you". He rewarded the few people he met with extraordinary faith. And, yet, faith is one of the many gifts of God, so I pray that God gives you faith, so that you can sail through the storm and be strong to walk on turbulent waters like Jesus did. He loves you so. But you know it already.
Love,
Ivana (Vitoria de Cristo's aunt)
Stacy -
ReplyDeleteHUGS............that is all I have to offer......HUGS!!