My Joy, My Sorrow, My Blessing

The greatest joy I've ever felt is that of being a mother.  Two pink lines, 9 months and a delivery, followed by those irreplaceable first days and weeks of getting to know each other.  Lots of snuggling and too little sleep.  That is the good stuff.

The greatest sorrow I've ever felt is that of being a mother.  Two pink lines, 9 months and a delivery, followed by empty arms, an empty cradle, no snuggling and plenty of sleep.

The greatest perplexity I've ever felt is that of being a mother with 4 pink lines, 18 months and 2 deliveries, 1 baby and a grave (with a pretty headstone, eventually).  All the while being really tired and unable to sleep.  Really sad and unable to cry.  Really happy and unable to smile. 

I know I have many more hard days ahead of me.  I know I have many good days ahead of me.  I'm just not sure I know how to do both at the same time. 

But I wouldn't change a thing.

A blog friend, Becky sent me a song that I hope you have time to listen to.  It really spoke to my heart today.  One of the lines talks about doubting God's goodness, which was what one of my posts I never published the other day was titled.  ("coincidence!")

Pause music player way at bottom of blog before playing!

So, what if the trials of this life are His blessings in disguise? Well, then I think technically, that would make my greatest sorrow also my greatest joy. The time when I knew Him like never before.

John 16:20-22

Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. ²¹ A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. ²² So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy

It doesn't just mean that eventually our sorrow is replaced by a different joy... it means it's TURNED INTO JOY.  Meaning that the same thing that caused us sorrow, will be the thing that brings us joy.

I definitely think Rachel fits that description.  My joy.

Blessings in disguise.  That is exactly what I needed to hear right now. 
Thank You, Lord.
If you can't watch video, click here for lyrics
And its 12:03 again.... I miss her....