What Family and Friends Can Do

Guess what?  I got another email from the same person!  Apparently she doesn't get that right now isn't the best time to be doing this to me.  This email made me even more sad though cause she brought up a few times that other people feel the same as she does, which indicates to me that people have been talking about me behind my back and apparently don't like how I'm handling the loss of my daughter - as if it's up for discussion...  Funny that it's not acceptable to talk on a blog with no names but it is okay if you do it whispering with names. hmmm... maybe I'll just start gossiping quietly??  would that be more acceptable?? I know what my "counselor" did when a name was mentioned!
*deep sigh*  bottom line is that I really can't deal with this crap right now.  I shouldn't have to. And just so you can't say I didn't say so....  IF you are reading my blog in order to judge me or so you can get together with "others" and pretend to be helpless and just concerned about me, please don't.  If you don't like how I write, what I write, or how I'm dealing with my grief, please keep it to yourself and don't email me.  If you want to start your own blog and write about me, go ahead.  But pretty soon, I'm gonna start naming names cause I don't need the turmoil in my life... I have enough to deal with. And have you noticed that my daughter is DEAD??  give me a break and try putting your pride aside for a minute and thinking about how that might feel and whether or not YOU would want to be getting these types of emails at this time.  If you're doing this to me, whether I know about it or not, and are claiming that you just want to be there for me and I'm too hard to do that for then STOP TRYING cause some people, believe it or not, don't find me that hard to love.  And I really don't need friends like that any more than I want them.  I hope that takes some pressure off of you.  You can actually just leave me alone and all will be fine.  My guess is I won't even notice you're doing it cause you haven't been here for me anyway.  And at least that way you won't be able to justify talking crap about me to others. If you're reading this and you are offended, you might want to talk to God about why that is instead of sending me a mean email about it.  The people that aren't doing this to me are not going to feel the need to defend themselves.

I might again refer you to the "what family and friends can do" link on the left side of my blog.  Ironically, it happens to mention the same things that I keep trying to help people to understand - like:

-Don’t try to find something positive about their child’s death.
-Avoid giving advice unless you are asked.
-Check up on the parents. Their grief doesn't stop at the death of their baby, and they need to know that others are thinking of them.
-Listen to the parents when they want to talk about their baby and accept if they don’t.
-Don’t impose time limits on the parents’ grief. Grief cannot be governed by any clock or calendar. And be aware that they will always miss their child. 
-Being bereaved is not contagious; don’t shy away from the parents. They need you more than ever.
-Don’t tell them they will have other children. Children are not interchangeable. No other child will ever replace this baby.

Here is the link to the rest - there is even a specific section for "after time passes" check it out:
What Family and Friends Can Do


So, if you've been staying away from me and justifying it by blaming me for how I'm dealing with my grief or my criticism of your "naivety" - here you go - the rest of the world feels the same way about these topics.  It would hurt anybody.  I might be crazy enough to say it, but everyone would feel the same way.  It is called meeting someone where they are at.  Try it some time.  And just for the record, once someone tells you what they need (which I have done completely, honestly and openly since DAY 1) you cannot call it "naivety".  It's one thing to accidentally say something or do something that hurts and not mean it and when it's brought to your attention say you're sorry - but when you know it hurt someone and you make excuses and turn the blame on me and my blogging style... well, that is bull and THAT is what is devisive in the body of Christ.  I'm not sure why anyone would prefer that people keep quiet about what hurts them... that sounds pretty selfish to me.  We're supposed to care about how we affect others and not just because they will say something about it.

And I AM NOT PERFECT EITHER and WILL NOT do everything right!  If that excuse is good enough for you it's good enough for me.  I need grace too.

Now that I got that out, I am assuring you that this will be my LAST response to this ridiculous and hurtful behavior.  If I have to, I will block more email addresses like I had to do with an in-law. (which by the way, has made my life a lot better)  I cannot subject myself to this and actually cannot afford to with where I'm at emotionally right now.  I cannot allow anyone to get me this off focus and I won't any longer.  It's very obvious that I'm not being heard anyway and so it is a waste of my energy. 

Now I'll post what my original thoughts for today (which were much more helpful than this junk) were before I had to make the mistake of opening another email..... and following that up with the mistake of caring about it.... coming soon....