I know many of you read the other blogs I follow already, but I just read this on Holly's blog Caring for Carleigh and wanted to share it. (Hope that' okay, Holly?) She is reviewing a book that is soon to be released called "Baby Dust" and it addresses the things women experience after the loss of their baby that unfortunately don't come up in many books. I have actually ached for this kind of understanding at this point on my path.... the point when everyone else feels better, but me.
There is a lot more that you should read on Holly's blog, but the one I wanted to specifically share that has me in tears this morning is below.... I have been mostly open about my struggles with how people have treated me (not that they are intentionally trying to be hurtful) during the months after Rachel's death - but obviously there are many things I just cannot share for the sake of not hurting others or grieving God. Some things I have to take to Him alone and they are usually the most painful ones. Being told that I am doing this wrong by people who are 'supposed to' support me is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with... salt in my wound... but I'm still dealing with it and have been since I was pregnant. Mostly the concern seems to be that I'm too worried about myself through this and not worried enough about everyone else. However, anyone who isn't only worried about themselves knows that is not true of me. I've made this hard journey my ministry to help others when I could have just cried myself to death.
I'm so glad that someone is finally talking about some of these hard things in a book and can't wait to buy this! It's also encouraged me to get back to working on mine. Here is the interview question and the trailer:
What’s one message you want women to take from the book?
"For those who have had losses, I really hope they take Stella’s message to heart. We are survivors. And survivors can’t always act like everyone else. Sometimes we have to do what we have to do to get by. For those who haven’t lost a baby, I hope they recognize how important their word and reaction are to baby loss moms. A small comforting gesture goes a very long way. A card is kept forever. Seriously, forever.
But undermining her pain might end the friendship for good saying “It was God’s plan” or “At least you were only X weeks along” is about the worst thing you could do. I hope they get a chance to understand how our grief works."
Wow....that is amazing. I wish I had had something like this when we lost Ethan. What an inspiration to be able to have this available to moms who lose their precious babies too early. Something to let them know that what they are thinking and feeling is normal and not out there somewhere. And, for the record, all of your posts have been sincere, from a hurting heart. I have never been offended by your words. I understand what depth of pain they come from and no one should ever diminish that feeling that you have.
ReplyDeleteDon't mind at all :) the more people who know about the book the better IMO! I know many of us babyloss moms will love this book and I hope others read it too.
ReplyDeleteShe really does say it right