Uncreated One

Worship this morning at church was very emotional.  We sang both of the songs that I had friends do solos of at Rachel's service and one congregational song we sang.  One of them was "Yet I will praise" which we also had a friend sing at Rachel's Race.  I cried a lot during this song today, mainly on the part that says:

I can't understand all that You've allowed, I just can't see the reason

But my life is in your hands and though I cannot see You, I choose to trust You.

The other one, called Uncreated One (playing on blog now), our friend Erik learned for her service.  To hear him sing it today brought that day right back.  We had the service recorded, but there was an issue with the sound and it didn't come out.  I try not to think of it cause it's extremely disappointing to me.  I wish I could just let you watch the service so I didn't have to explain it all in order for you to know because other than the video issue, it went perfectly.  It was a beautiful day for what it was.  I am grateful that I was able to add so many little personal touches for her.  It still breaks my heart to think about, remembering how much it hurt to say goodbye.

As I sang that song today though, it just reminded me how deep my desire was, and still is, to bring glory to God through my baby's death.  I remember standing in my kitchen while 8 months pregnant with Rachel and hearing it, breaking down in tears of gratitude and knowing I would have it sang at Rachel's funeral.  I also knew I would ask Erik to sing it.  When I did, and he didn't know what song I was talking about and said he'd have to learn it, I got a little worried... but he did such a good job and the song was perfect.   It was the opening song that day and my purpose in that was to remind us of Who God is and what that means for Rachel.  I also wanted every unbeliever there that day to know where we were finding our strength and hope.  Wow, did God carry me....  In hind sight, it's hard to even believe how I walked through those days without falling apart emotionally and to fathom all I was doing physically after just having had major surgery.  It was all Him.  And so today, I wanted to go back to basics and just remember and give glory to the Holy Uncreated One who created my precious daughter, gave her life in my womb, gave me strength to carry her to her death and then brought her to heaven...where someday, I will see her again.

"Uncreated One"

Holy Uncreated One

Your beauty fills the skies

But the glory of Your majesty

Is the mercy in Your eyes

Worthy Uncreated One

From heaven to earth come down

You laid aside Your royalty

To wear the sinner's crown

O Great God, be glorified

Our lives laid down

Yours magnified

O Great God, be lifted high

There is none like You

Jesus, Savior, God's own son

Risen, reigning Lord

Sustainer of the Universe

By the power of Your word

And when we see Your matchless face

In speechless awe we'll stand

And there we'll bow with grateful hearts

Unto the Great I am