Always Something There to Remind Me

Driving this morning, I switched to a station I never listen to cause I was tired of commercials and busy talk.... Listening to the chorus, I hated the fact that a sappy break up song can remind me of my sweet daughter, but there I was crying as if the song was written for us.  It's by Naked Eyes and goes like this:

I walk along the city streets
You used to walk along with me,
And every step I take reminds me
Of just how we used to be.


Oh, how can I forget you, girl
When there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me


When shadows fall, I pass a small cafe
Where we would dance at night
And I can't help recalling how it
Felt to kiss and hold you tight


Oh, how can I forget you, girl
When there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me


I was born to love you, and I will never be free
You'll always be a part of me


If you should find you miss the sweet
And tender love we used to share
Just go back to the places where we used to go,
And I'll be there


Oh, how can I forget you, girl
When there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me

I was born to love you, and I will never be free
You'll always be a part of me


'Cause there is always something there to remind me
Always something there to remind me

Tonight was a *really* rough night - Asa doesn't want to be put down and has started holding his breath if I let him cry alone for more than a minute - meaning if I don't go right to him, I find him purple and not breathing... an all too familiar appearance that I just can't handle.  Desirae has been grouchy from spending the last couple of evenings out with friends and staying up too late - and tonight she is out again at music, which means that Matt has been out every night this week too, leaving me having to do bedtime and no break at all.  Sam has decided that he likes to scream...happy, sad, excited, mad, wanting something different... they all require screaming in his mind.  While putting him to bed, I listened to both him and Asa scream like crazy until I was crying, too.  And my Isaiah... well, he fell down the stairs earlier, while trying to ride a pillow down.  Our stairs are wood and extremely steep.  I saw him tumble down and his life flashed before my eyes... I was instantly in tears, even though he was completely fine, because I just can't handle anything else happening to any of my kids. 

One would probably think that I'm so busy that it would be a good distraction from my grief...you know the people who say if you do this or that it will "get your mind off of 'it'" - well, that has yet to work around here with this scenerio being one of the more laid back nights.  I had already thought of Rachel myself a dozen times since dinner, but then as I was bringing Isaiah to bed, he stopped at the top of the stairs and said:

"When are we gonna have another baby?"
"Another baby?  We just had a baby."
"But I want another one"
"oh, you do...."
"I want to feed two babies at once...and then when Rachel comes back, we can feed three babies at once"
"Yeah, that sounds awesome Zay... let's get you into bed...."

There is always something there to remind me.