Life Continues On....

.....and we have a heartbeat!  163.  The same as Rachel's was the first time I heard hers on a doppler.  It took a minute to get it,  I had my eyes squeezed shut and the moment I heard it, I looked at the doctor for confirmation that it was baby's... she nodded and smiled... and I cried.  When Matt said "163!", my mind went immediately back to the words I wrote in my pregnancy journal when I was pregnant with Rachel....  "Finally heard the heartbeat... 163.  Strong!  Praise God!"

And her heart was so strong..... if only that was enough.

On top of good baby news, I had a conversation I was not expecting with the doctor.  She is the one I saw for my pregnancy with Samuel and I started with her with Rachel.  On Rachel's diagnosis day, I saw another doctor, who I had never been fond of, because she had time available right after the ultrasound.  After I got the diagnosis with that lady, it just seemed to fall into place that I continued with her.... and that was a mistake because she was not on my side and it was obvious.  Some of the things she said were horribly insensitive and judgemental. 

So anyway, the other doctor was who I saw today and she said she had read much of my blog and wanted to talk to us.  She said that she had had some opinions prior to Rachel that after reading my blog and learning more about my position on things, she looks at things differently.  She wanted to apologize because she felt like they had let us down with Rachel - and to make sure that we feel like we can have open communication about things with her during this pregnancy.  She said that as a doctor, she sees her job as being an educator and so she will give us all options and not assume she knows our stance on things, but doesn't want us to be upset with her for doing so.  I told her it's not being given options that bothers me or offends me, it's what they do with it if we don't want to do what they think we should.  She seems genuine when she says that if we decide to do or not do anything, regardless of her personal opinion on it, she will support us.  She said she wanted me to tell her if anything came up that made us uncomfortable... so I told her that the other day I had said I didn't want the Cystic Fibrosis testing, but they did it anyway.  Within a half hour of returning home, I received a phone call from the other doctor apologizing for that. 

She offered me an ultrasound, but after hearing Little E's heartbeat, I didn't feel the need for that... I have one in a week so it seemed like it was unnecessary and she thought that made sense. 

I had a long list of things I needed to do today.  I had planned to kick start it with some light exercise after my review and then get things checked off when I got home.  I ditched exercising after I saw the blood and my list went to the wayside.  I feel like I got absolutely nothing done... but the truth is that while I waited for my appointment, I played with my kids and read a bunch to them...watched them run in circles and giggle.... even did a little bit of school.... had pizza and conversation with my mom after we got back (she babysat so Matt could go with me) and then talked to a friend on the phone for a while.  I had a bit of closure to my pain from the treatment at my doctor's office.... and heard my baby's heartbeat for the first time.  And it just happened to say "Rachel".  A Strong 163, Praise God!

(and when I just looked, the Prayer Request I posted earlier, has 163 hits) ♥  Love you girl.

So thankful that while my list had to stop and my day was thrown into an upheaval, life continues on.... one beat of that tiny heart at a time.