We stopped on the way home to get hot chocolates at Cumbies since it was free for Christmas. And everyone fell apart in the truck while Matt was inside getting them. I wanted nothing more than to bring Rachel one - but I knew it wasn't a good idea to push that and so we just went straight home.
I was okay with that, but as the days have continued to fly by, I started to feel really bad that I hadn't checked on her stuff since her birthday - and it has been well over a month now...
So yesterday, me, Matt and Eden went for her first visit to her sister's grave. I guess it's fitting that she would meet her sister before anyone else since we haven't had a visit other than this yet. ♥ As we got close, Matt questioned which exit it was again - I said "just think how many kids we have..." (exit 7) trying to give him a way to remember it... and I started to cry. We have SEVEN kids. "Some people never get to have one" I said. We are so thankful for these seven blessings from God. May we never take them for granted, here or in heaven.
We had to do a bit of shoveling and so after Matt shoveled out Rachel, I visited by myself for a bit while he took care of a couple of other graves nearby. I needed that time. I often am so task oriented in setting stuff up there that I don't slow down and really just *be* there. I cried a little as I told her about her new sister.... I wish I could see them together....
When Matt was done, I got Eden out and brought her over to meet Rachel... I hate that. "Meet Rachel"... it's a stone... but anyway...
It was an extremely strange feeling walking away from Rachel's grave holding a tiny little girl in my arms. I've held two other babies there and did the same type of introducing and picture taking with each of them - but this was completely different. It was hard. It was amazing. It was joy. It was sorrow. It was everything in between - all wrapped up in just a few short steps that only took a moment or two.... and that is about all I can say about that....
<3 hugs<3
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