My Soul Finds Rest in God Alone

I finally just took a shower...my first one without my girl.  I usually talk to her a lot in the shower, so it was a bummer.  Getting dressed after was another reminder when my tank top actually covered my belly.  I guess there will be reminders all over the place that she's not with me.  My heart will break for  her a million times a day.  Just goes with being a Mama with empty arms, I guess.  I miss her. 

We're getting prepared to go home.  I'm not looking forward to getting back to the day to day stuff and not being able to include her.  Excited to see the kids though and to be able to be there for them and talk with them about how they're feeling.  This is a hard time for them too.

The night of Rachel's birthday, I woke up at 3 am.  I couldn't sleep so I cuddled with her and memorized her little face some more.  Around 3:30, I finally started to fall back asleep.  I had an experience that I'm sharing reluctantly because I am not one to say "the Lord told me" or "I had a vision" and I don't want it to come across as flippant or that I take things like this lightly.  But this was a huge thing that happened and not only do I not want to forget it, but I would love to share it with you...  I just don't know that words can do it justice. 

So, anyway, I had a vision of Matt kneeling down and I heard him say "what do you want me to do Lord"  and then I heard, clear as can be, "Isaiah 47:8"  I opened my eyes, and although I figured it was nothing, wanted to look it up before I forgot what it was.  I figured it was a familiar verse and was just subconsciously etched in my mind from reading it previously.  I couldn't reach my bible, so I woke Matt up and asked him to read it.  I didn't tell him why, cause, well I'm not sure at 3:30 in the morning he'd be up for a story.  When he read it, my mouth dropped open.  this is what it says:

[8 ] Now therefore hear this, you lover of pleasures,

who sit securely, who say in your heart,

“I am, and there is no one besides me;

I shall not sit as a widow or know the loss of children”:

(Isaiah 47:8 ESV)

I told Matt what I had just envisioned in my mind.  We were both totally blown away.  We talked for a while and believe it has a couple of meanings for us, but the one that came to us right away was simply the conviction that we find our "pleasures" and security in the wrong things sometimes.   Sometimes it's our finances, sometimes our physical security (home, job, things)  and sometimes it's our family (each other and our children).  God created us to be relational creatures with a need for other people, but He never intended that need to override our need for Him.  It's a hard thing to hear, as I sit here with a broken heart missing my baby girl, but it's true.  My soul can and will only find rest in God alone.  With her, without her, I need Him more than anything else.    He does not expect me to not weep, to not be devastated, to not be overcome by sadness.  He is a God Who is aware of our suffering.  But He continually calls me to a deeper relationship with Him through my pain... a stronger trust in Him...  Hope in Him and His promises.  As much as I hate what is happening.  I still believe in His truth, His love, His Word.  It never fails me.  He always brings me rest.