A Nugget of Love

I've fallen behind on so many things I want to share - but this quick post came to mind, so I'm going back for a minute!

My birthday is the week before Rachel's diagnosis day.  I remember the last birthday I had before her diagnosis like it was yesterday.

Each year since then, my birthday carries a little sting.  It's a day where I remember what it was like to not know my baby would die - or how much it would hurt when she did.  A day when I still had my innocence in motherhood.  That day 4 years ago, Desirae & I began a tradition of getting our toes done together on my bday - we do it every year and always take a photo to remember it. And when we got our picture done that day in 2010, I remember saying "I wonder if there are 3 girls out on this girls day right now!?"

And there were.  And to this day, there still is.  She is with me in so many ways on each of my special days - but the week leading up to her diagnosis that year was unreal.  God had shown me so loudly that he was with me - and in many ways it was because of that, that when I got the news that day, I felt like He had prepared me.  It was so obvious.  He had been preparing me.  wow.

So anyway, on my birthday this year, I took the kids to Wendy's to eat.  We never go to Wendy's, we usually do McDonalds - but their dollar menu has quickly become much more than $1... so we tried Wendy's.  I had no idea how to order there.   I ordered the babies a 10 pc nugget to share and I'm not sure why I stopped to do this, but when they gave them to me, I counted them.  There were only 9.

I knocked on the window and said "We're a nugget short."

And it hit me like a ton of bricks... we're a nugget short... always.  I miss my little nugget....

And then he handed me a new nugget container - with just one nugget - and this is what it held...

I never guessed that something like a chicken nugget could make me emotional...  but seriously..??  do things like this 'just happen'??  I know it's not the first heart shaped nugget made and it won't be the last... but on a day where being 'a nugget short' was breaking my heart, God gave me a clear picture of the fact that her heart is whole in heaven and she is with us.  In Christ, NOTHING can separate us.  Not even death.  She is alive in Him and He is alive in me.... And that was my little nugget of love from God on my birthday....

And because I started a post with these pics and never finished it... here is a pic of me & the kids at the park with Cyndie that day...

I am so thankful for these 5 nuggets!!

And then our toes picture from that night...it had been a hard day so I don't have one of us getting them done like usual, but I snapped this one outside the shop, just as it started to pour before the huge storm (tornado warning!) started....  Another year gone by...

Lord help me to always make the most of the time I have with my babies on earth - and please Lord, draw them to Yourself so that I will see them again one day in heaven.  I don't want this to be all I have with them... even though it is a great gift... I want to stand in Your Presence and worship you with them for all of eternity... In paradise where there is no pain, no tears, no sadness and no tornados.... to see them filled with only love and laughter and joy and praise... that's my deepest prayer as their Mama...  thank You that I know it's been answered for Rachel.