Can I Have My Right to Choose?

Okay, so I've decided I want to have a c-section...  I have prayerfully considered this for weeks and I keep coming to the same conclusion.  There is a much higher chance that Rachel will be born alive if I have a c-section.  I have NEVER wanted a c-section, that has always been my one fear going into labor.  I love giving birth (I know that sounds strange) but from the moment I had Desirae, I couldn't wait to do it again.  I know that having a c-section could potentially mean that I would never experience that again and that is hard for me.  I have been very careful to make sure that my decision is not based on fears and that I am not underestimating God's capabilities or knowledge of my needs.

The doctor's opinion has been "it doesn't make any sense to risk hurting yourself for a baby that isn't going to live anyway" (Maine Medical Dr)  and "we don't do elective c-sections for non-viable babies" (Garrison in Dover)  First of all, What Mother wouldn't risk her life for her baby???  Second of all, non-viable??  She is alive.  Her heart is beating, all her other organs are healthy and she has a soul...she is to viable.  Her life span here may not be long, but is it their goal to not give her a chance?  If a baby had a bad heart, wouldn't they try to save her? 

Here is my frustration - you may want to turn down the volume if you have children with you...
These same people offer "elective" abortions for perfectly "viable" babies every day...  They say that it's not necessary - neither is an abortion. If I decided right now that I'd rather kill my baby, they'd let me and would gladly perform, or send me somewhere to get, an unnecessary procedure.  They wouldn't be trying to scare me out of it with a list of potential risks to me.  There are tons of risks that come along with having an abortion, not the least of them that these women will have permanent scares on their hearts.  They claim that women should have the right to "choose", but who decides where that line is drawn?  They let people opt for c-sections all the time just because it is convenient with their work schedule or because they have company coming at a certain time.  Yet, they see NO VALUE in me desiring to hold my baby alive.  The Dr. at Caring Partners told me her advice would be to not monitor the baby's heart rate while I'm in labor so I wouldn't know if she's already dead during labor.

I don't know how I can go through labor and delivery feeling that it could be too much for Rachel to handle and that it could keep me from being able to meet her alive....  they also said that they do not perform emergency c-sections for these babies because they will die anyway.  Even if she is breech or in total distress ( which is a given since she doesn't have the top of her scull to make the way) they don't intervene.   OK, now someone tell me, are they God?  Do they know that Rachel can't/won't live for a few days, a couple of weeks or even a couple of months??  Can they say that for sure?  I don't think so.  They have their opinion, which they have made their reality - but they also said my Uncle would live 2 months to 2 years tops - and he was here over 3 years later.  I'm not into their opinions.  I want my CHOICE....   Hello, aren't I a woman?  Shouldn't I be able to CHOOSE what I do with MY body??  This is driving me nuts and I can't honestly say that I'm not getting angry about this one.  They ought to "practice what they preach" and put their opinions aside, just like they expect the Doctors who are against abortion to do. 

I need to find a hospital where the Doctors have a clue.  All I need is for one of them to decide they want to help me - just one - but they have to want to.  It seems like the entire medical field is pro-abortion. I am trusting that God will lead me to the right place and to the right Dr.  Pray that He does it quickly before I have to yell at someone.

I kind of feel like playing hardball... you know like when you're trying to potty train your toddler and realize that you have NO control over their urination.  You quickly find out who's in charge.

They think they can make me do what they want.  They also say I won't go into labor without being induced.  Go ahead and try to make me let you induce me.  I don't care, I'll stay pregnant - at least she's alive.  And quite frankly, I don't care if I sound like a toddler.  This isn't fair.  It actually doesn't even sound legal.  My baby has a medically necessary reason to be taken c-section, but they are refusing her the medical treatment she needs based on a guess of how long she'll live.  And it is only a guess.  The miracles of God are not considered in their statistics.