Rachel's Story:

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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Always in Our Hearts

I got a message from my friend Jenn that works at Options for Women.  She is the one heading the new Perinatal Hospice Program they used Rachel's 5K money towards.  She said they had the training for the doctors and medical community yesterday and it went well.  She said that Margery told them about Rachel and that some of them had a new perspective and had not really thought about it before.  I pray that they will be the ones that mothers like me come across in their journey through a fatal prenatal diagnosis.  What a blessing it will be to have people who understand and who treat them and their babies with dignity.  I also pray that the medical community will be more likely to direct them to Options where they will find the support and encouragement they so desperately need.  I can't believe all that has happened in less than one year since Rachel's birth....

So, Jenn is also making the cake for Rachel's birthday and she asked me what I wanted it to say.  I have spent days thinking and couldn't come up with anything.... it should be an easy answer on my daughter's 1st birthday, but it's not.  I had an idea this morning that maybe I should just write a verse on it since none of the normal stuff seemed to really "go".  I thought since flowers have always been Rachel's thing and Jenn's putting some on the cake, I should put a verse about flowers.  I googled and came up with Psalm 103

Verse 15 - As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field

Oh that's a good one, I thought... and then I continued on....

Verse 16 - the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.

 so this is why it's important to not take bible verses out of context...  but all I can say is that when I read the 2nd half, I cried.  Remembers her no more.... ?  I hate that the day will one day come when I'm the only one who still remembers.  I hate that it has happened to some extent already.  I hate that the last year has gone by so fast when every single minute of it has been slow and painful.  I hate that I can't just write Happy Birthday and have it make sense.

I've decided I'll probably write "Always in Our Hearts"

And even that sucks.
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9 comments:

  1. AnonymousNovember 30, 2011 at 9:49 AM

    Why can't you write "Happy Birthday"? I say do it. That day is her birthday, and if that's how you want it to be remembered, as the day of her birth, then do it. LIFE triumphs death with Jesus and she has eternal life now in the arms of the Father. Her life here on earth and in heaven started on the very same day. But only if you want to :)<3

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  2. AnonymousNovember 30, 2011 at 9:49 AM

    Why can't you write "Happy Birthday"? I say do it. That day is her birthday, and if that's how you want it to be remembered, as the day of her birth, then do it. LIFE triumphs death with Jesus and she has eternal life now in the arms of the Father. Her life here on earth and in heaven started on the very same day. But only if you want to :)<3

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  3. HannahNovember 30, 2011 at 10:44 AM

    We call Sadie Mae's her "Life Day" because it's the day she lived!

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  4. CrystalNovember 30, 2011 at 12:31 PM

    I read your blog everyday and think about Rachel often. I see the number 43 places and she comes to mind. I know we have never met and rarely comment but I have been reading your blog since you found out her diagnosis. I think if you want to write Happy Birthday then you should...she is celebrating her birthday in heaven and what a celebration it will be. I can't imagine what you are going through but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers on a regular basis and if we didn't live so far apart I would love to meet you! You are an inspiration to me in all you have been through and your great faith in our Lord Jesus!

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  5. FranceNovember 30, 2011 at 1:06 PM

    I agree with Kailinja. I too say do it, if that's what you want to do. Always in your hearts and always in mine too <3 BIG hugs, my sweet!

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  6. aimeestringNovember 30, 2011 at 4:20 PM

    You spoke directly to my heart today! My first child's due date would have been in 12 days and it breaks my heart that no one will remember that day but me. It's nice to know that someone out there understands. God bless you for putting yourself out there like you do!

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  7. aimeestringNovember 30, 2011 at 4:37 PM

    Sorry that should have the anniversary of my first child's due date:-/

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  8. CarrieNovember 30, 2011 at 9:38 PM

    Totally agree with them! Happy Birthday! It is her birthday! :) Totally agree with whatever you choose, it is your's to decide....

    We visit Ethan's grave every year on his "birthday" and bring "Happy Birthday" balloons and it feels good to acknowledge his birthday and he never had the opportunity to live outside of my womb.

    I hope you find something that you feel fitting. Hugs and prayers....

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  9. UnknownDecember 18, 2011 at 8:37 PM

    We shouldn't have to worry about what makes sense or doesn't. The whole outliving our children doesn't make sense so why should anything else? In our world nothing is "normal" Remembering Rachel with you. *hugs*

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We so appreciate your words of encouragement!
Thank you! ♥ The Aubes