Going Home

Originally, this post was just going to be to show you Asa's going home outfit.  I'll tell you about that first, and then share what happened along the way while finding the photos.

I had ordered a 3-6 month because I never buy my kids newborn sized stuff, but decided it was too big and ordered the smallest one they had, 0-3 month.  When I got him dressed to leave, I realized that once this thing is washed I'm going to be glad I have the big one too cause it probably won't fit anymore.  He was patient with me while I tried to get this over his head!  He also graduated to the size 1 diapers today - the newborn ones just weren't big enough for him.  Too bad I have an open pack here!



All set and waiting for Daddy to come pick us up!!

When Matt showed up to get us, he walked in the room and started crying.  I assumed it was because of Asa, since he usually has those moments with our new babies.  I asked why he was crying and all he could say was "I walked down the hall."  - He didn't need to explain.  I knew what hall he meant.  The hall we walked down without Rachel last year....  the hall that made the reality of the death of our baby girl impossible to ignore.  And walking up it to go pick up our new baby boy just 11 months later to bring him home, that reality was again impossible to ignore.  There are halls all over this hospital that serve as the same reminder...we didn't get to bring her home.  Not to our home anyway.

Tonight while going through my pictures from Asa's birth, I came across a picture that caught me a little off guard.  I'm on the phone asking for prayer for Asa because I was getting ready to push.... and on my belly, I have Rachel's blanket and teddy that I sleep with every night.  The truth is I slept with her blanket every night I was at the hospital just like I have every night since she left me. And while I cuddled with her new baby brother, her blanket was right there beside us.  I guess I didn't realize I was holding it in labor too.... but apparently I was.

This has been such a long hard road.  God, I miss her so much.