A Little Late And a Little Early

Luke Smith from Living Proof Studios took some pregnancy photos for us and we got them back on Sunday.  I have a couple more that I really want to share, but I was having a hard time getting any of them to upload the day we got them and am now working from a different computer and don't have them on this one.  So, these are the two that I did get onto Blogger... I'll probably get the others on soon.

That's Rachel's hand mold in my right hand.  I wish her real hand was here touching my belly...

But it almost seems too late to be showing these now that we have this....

Asa in Rachel's Hand-Me-Downs

The kids meet their new brother

This has been a very long week.  Last Wednesday I spent the night in the hospital in early labor.  Thursday we came home and nothing happened again until Sunday, when  I had contractions all day long. Because I'm a VBAC, I'm not supposed to labor at home at all because of the risk of uterine rupture.  But since I had already wasted a day with a false alarm, I was hesitant to make the drive again.  So, after 9 hours of contractions 7 mins apart, we headed to the hospital.  When we got here, I still wasn't any further along.  This boy just didn't want to come out.  So, I spent the night.  They made it clear they thought I'd be going home in the morning - I made it clear I intended to have this boy :o)

After 21 hours of contractions 7 minutes apart, they decided to give me the lowest dose of pitocin there is.  This was a hard decision because pitocin isn't recommended for VBAC's because it's hard on your uterus and after my experience with Desirae and pitocin I swore I'd never do it again!  When I told the doctor that everything I had read said it wasn't a good idea she said to me "well, it's by no means what we routinely do, but honestly, you're so determined to have a VBAC I think we should.  Most women would have given up and had a c-section by now."  And then she reassured me that they would be watching Asa like a hawk and if he appeared to be in distress they would have a c-section done in 5 minutes. 

So at 2:30 on Monday, they started the pitocin and my labor was going amazingly well.  Matt had left to work that morning for a half a day and he got back before my pain level started to get difficult to bear.  The hardest part was that since I went in late Sunday night, I had only had 30 minutes of sleep in 24 hours when hard labor kicked in.  I was too tired to handle the pain.  I wanted to go without any pain meds because my delivery with Samuel was my best ever and I had nothing for pain and I attributed it to the fact that it was all natural.  Again, I was not sure what to do, but decided to get an epidural so I could hopefully sleep because they were telling me I had a long ways to go.  I got the epidural around 10pm and they checked me at midnight.

I was still only 4 cm's and he was still high up, so they broke my water.  They discovered at that point that he had meconium in the fluid (he had a bowel movement, which apparently is more common with babies close to their due date or later). They explained that if he aspirated it, he could get really sick and so they were going to have to have the NICU at the delivery. She said "you probably won't get to hold him when he's born and he may not cry and he could have trouble breathing..... but don't worry, it's common"

What? I fell apart. All the things I was looking forward to being different than Rachel's birth... a crying baby that could breathe well and I got to hold immediately... and no NICU. All my hopes were being taken from me before he was born. Too familiar of a feeling. I cried for a while and then called for prayer from a couple of friends that I had praying for me throughout my labor.  I knew I had to let go of those desires and just be concerned with his well being.  I decided in my heart that as long as he was okay, I didn't need to hold him right away or hear him cry.  I just needed him to live.

I managed to fall asleep for 2 1/2 hours.  Did I mention getting the epidural was the best decision I made?  They had put internal monitoring in for me and Asa so they could make sure they knew where his heart rate was at without question.  They came in at 3am and said they weren't sure what was going on with me, but my contractions just weren't looking strong enough to move him down and honestly, it sounded like I was headed for the OR.  She said she would check me to see....  and I was 10 cm's and ready to push!  So in 2 1/2 hrs, while sleeping, I went from 4 to 10!  My friend Kim who was my nurse when I had Rachel had said she could come in, but not before 3 am.  They asked if I wanted to start pushing or wait for Kim - I chose wait :o)  Kim got there around 3:30, and after they got everything ready, I started pushing.

I pushed for about 10 minutes in all, and at 4:04 am on November 15th (just a day early), we welcomed our 3rd son, Asa Francisco Aube, into the world.  He's a big boy - 8 ibs 15 oz and 21 1/2 in long. He has super chubby legs, wrists, cheeks.. he even has rolls on his back and neck!  He has a head full of hair, but it's much shorter than Rachel's was - and he looks a lot like her in his mouth area.  He's got all the Aube baby features and some that are just his own. I am head over heals in love.  And I think he likes me too :o)

Prayers were answered so specifically and God led me in every single decision I made all along the way to make this a good memory.  He removed my fears about having a VBAC as I labored and filled me with peace. He worked out all the details for Asa and for the kids at home while we were gone.  I'm so thankful for my friends, Millie & Michelle, and my mom who cared for my kids for days while we've been gone.  I'm still at the hospital from Sunday night.  Matt is home with them tonight cause he had to work today, but I've been away from them for 4 nights now and haven't had to worry about them.  They are so excited for me to bring the baby home tomorrow.

Being at this hospital was actually more healing than hard.  While I was walking during labor, I stopped in the room that I had Rachel in after delivery.  It didn't make me sad.  I thought about her and smiled knowing that in that room, I held a piece of heaven in my arms.  Many of the doctors and nurses that took care of me knew about and remembered Rachel and I got to see the doctor that delivered her again.  I found it so comforting to be able to say her name and not have to explain.  They would just smile with me knowingly.  She was so amazing and left such an impact on so many people.  I love that little girl so much.

 

My visions of holding Asa as soon as he came out didn't happen.  All my begging to hear a cry immediately, didn't happen.  My fears of having him on that NICU table surrounded by doctors and tubes going down his throat all came true.

But my baby boy is alive.

He's perfect.

He's really well behaved :o) 

And I am so thankful to my great God Who created him - just like He created Rachel - and Who loves them both more than I, in my humanness, ever could.  A love like that is hard to fathom.