Today is the day I was due with our 3rd baby who we lost to miscarriage. I miscarried at 8 weeks along in May, just a few days before Mother's Day. It was horrible pain. And even though I'm no longer in a place where I cry over that baby, last night I felt the disappointment of that loss heavy on my heart. Even 4 years later.
I had mentioned to Matt that tomorrow was my due date with that baby... He stopped to listen. I looked up at the picture of Rachel hanging on the wall above me...
"I guess December just wasn't my month" I said as I started crying.
I think this is what my doctor was talking about a while back when he asked me if I had forgiven myself for having a baby with Anencephaly.
The truth is that I feel like I failed both of my sweet December babies. And I just want them back.
What a hard month for you honey, when for others Dec is just a month of joy and anticipation of Christmas. There's so much going on for your sweet heart.
ReplyDeletePraying for you honey xx
:-( Hugs and prayers!
ReplyDeleteMy EDD for my miscarriage is Jan. 3. Sadie Mae's b-day is Jan. 18th. What's the deal with ours being the same month?
ReplyDeletePraying for your heart tonight, sweet friend.
Nothing is ever easy, is it? Stacey? I'm so sorry for your struggles. I pray for comfort and peace for you. My heart breaks when I read your posts and I wish I could be there to give you a hug and let you know you're not alone. I had 3 miscarriages myself, and I know how much that hurts. I wish there was more I could do for you. All I can do is remember your sweet babies with you, love them and you, and pray with you. Much love from me to you.
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