Your Promise Never Fails Me

Last night I was at the gym and bumped into the doctor I had who gave us Rachel's diagnosis. I was thankful that my heart stayed in my chest....I left and cried on the way home over all the things I wished I had said. That moment won't come again and I feel like I failed Rachel and Asa both....since she not only didn't see the point of me carrying Rachel to term, but also was totally against me having another baby so soon. My heart screamed to tell her how amazing they both are and how wrong she was - but I didn't.  And I regret it.

Tonight I was cleaning out my mess of a desk.  This desk was in Rachel's room and I spent months after her death blogging from it and planning her events - I've shed millions of tears at this desk and had many moments of joy as I've watched through cyberspace all the things God has done through Rachel's life.  So, as I cleaned the drawers I came across a lot of Rachel's stuff... her obituary...newspaper articles...her insurance card...sympathy cards...pictures....

About half way through, I started crying and it got progressively harder as the minutes wore on.  Just as I began to wonder if I was fooling myself that this new 'plan' of focusing on my gifts was going to help me heal, I came across the tabs for a song.  I don't know why it was in the desk and not with the rest of my music, but I picked up my guitar and played it for the first time in weeks - and this is what I found myself singing....

Good to me

I cry out,

For Your hand of mercy to heal me.

I am weak,

I need Your love to free me.

Oh, Lord, my Rock,

My strength in weakness, Come rescue me, oh Lord.

You are my hope,

Your promise never fails me.

And my desire is to follow You forever.

For You are good,

For You are good,

For You are good to me

For You are good,

For You are good,

For You are good to me