I had no idea

The morning started off rough today.  I couldn't find Desirae's piano book and I honestly didn't really feel up to a guitar lesson anyway, but after searching for 1/2 an hour, I gave up and canceled my babysitter and the lesson.  I was running late to get Isaiah to pre-school and feeling exhausted from the day already at only 9:10am.  Then the blessings started rolling in...  God always gives me relief through His people when I need it. 

First Dixie showed up - she came so I wouldn't have to bring Sam & Des with me to drop Isaiah off.  Ahhh...my load lightened.  While I was gone, she did my dishes... then took all my laundry home to do it and is bringing back tomorrow!  She said she is going to be my "laundry service" for a while!  I almost said no cause we have A LOT of laundry and I feel bad letting someone else do it, but then I came to my senses and just gave her a hug instead. :o) 

After she left, Nicola came...  mind you, I have never met this woman before.  Her and her husband Donnie have been reading my blog and she had twins last year and experienced the extra fluid fun.  So, she contacted me a few days ago and they wanted to do something for us.  She went out today and bought us everything on our list as a gift.  AND, although not on my list, they added some ice cream, hot fudge, and whipped cream cause they know my night time routine! :o)  I'm waiting for the kids to go to bed for this one tonight. :o)  Her kids played with Sam and wanted to know if they could keep him. 

Shortly after, Dixie showed back up with paper towels (I had mentioned I needed some earlier) and new oven mitts so she could wash my other ones... OK, I've owned them for close to 3 years and never washed them...oops.  But that won't be a problem after today!

I went back to get Isaiah at school.  Another mom asked when I was due and I said on Christmas...she asked "are you kidding?"  Looking at me it's obvious I'm too big to have another month to go.  I told her about Rachel and she asked "do you have a blog?" - Apparently she found my blog through the newspaper article that was written about us and my uncle Dale.  She gave me some words of encouragement and as I drove home, all I could think was "I had no idea"  I actually said that outloud and Des asked "about what?"  I cried as I explained to her that at the beginning of this journey, I had no idea what God was going to do with Rachel's life.

I had no idea that her story would reach people all over the world.  (If you've never clicked on that map on my page, try it... I just looked tonight and there are 38 countries where this blog has been read.)  There have been over 11,400 visitors and 36,200 pageviews in the 3 months and 2 weeks since I started this blog!  So many of which are people we don't know, but they are shedding tears daily over our girl.  I have received letters and gifts from people we don't know as well - even one from a guy in jail.   I had no idea how many people would know about her and would pray for us. I had no idea how many people would walk along side of us.  I have realized that this has happened in the places I would have least expected it and that the people I would have hoped to be there for me, weren't, but that God has given me friendships that will last a lifetime through that and weeded out the others that would have never bloomed anyway.  

I had no idea how God would carry us.   I had no idea how Rachel's story would change people.  Read the comments... people all over are saying how her story has moved them to be more grateful, more sensitive, to be better moms, better friends... to not take things for granted, to never have an abortion, to want to know God. 

I have learned how to accept help from people, and that it is not a weakness.  I have shared tears with people I've never met.  I have been given a whole new awareness of others' suffering and realized how oblivious I was to that before.  I have walked the valley of the shadow of death and feared no evil because my Lord has been with me.  I have become more grateful, more sensitive, I've become a better mom, a better friend.  I have learned to not take things for granted... I have learned first hand the amazing blessing and true peace that comes with choosing life for my child and I have come to know God in a deeper and more intimate way than ever before.

I look back over the last 3months and 3 weeks and I know that I am not the same person I was when I walked into that ultrasound on August 4th.  I will never be the same - and that is a good thing.  But looking back to that day, the feeling I had when we found out Rachel would die, the intense tears that fell for hours and that would continue for months to come, the pain, the despair...  who would have ever thought that God would do so much with it....  I had no idea.