Something About Put Your Shirt On....

It's been a long week - or two - or three.....

Ezra had tubes in on Monday - it was a torturous morning...  putting him under without Nitrous Oxide was not fun.  Apparently the nitrous helps avoid the serious agitation the other stuff causes...  it was horrible.  The surgery went fast, as promised.  But after they came out and told me he was out, they refused to let me in with him saying he was 'still waking up' and they were giving him oxygen.  It felt like forever, but it was probably less than 15 minutes and when I went in, he was off the wall hysterical, thrashing around and screaming... again they told me it was just the anesthesia.  I hated it before, and I really hate it now.  It was a bad experience for me.  I fell asleep sitting up at the kitchen table before my mom even left when I got back and I laid down and slept all afternoon.  I was so wiped.  totally exhausted.  Napping around here never proves to be worth it though, which is why I never do it.  I woke up to quite the mess and the full container of fluff GONE.

That being said, after the first night, he was doing great.  He's hearing much better and I can tell because he is suddenly talking like crazy.  He was trying before, but now it's clear.  He also slept through the night two days in a row, a first since he was brand new.  We have been getting up with him 3-5 times a night for 15 months.  I had no idea it was still his ears!!  He hasn't had an infection since July so I thought they weren't an issue.  I was wrong, poor baby!!

So last night, he spiked a fever.  I went with him to the ER and they said his ears looked "Very red and very angry" and put him on an antibiotic and gave him vicodin!  I didn't give him the narcotics (geez!!) but started the antibiotics and was so discouraged that his surgery had caused him an infection.  Today we went to the ENT for follow up and he said his ears look fine.  Confused?  yep, me too.  So now we stop the antibiotics and just go back to using the drops.... 

Upon return from the ENT, his temp was 103.8 and he started puking everywhere... ugh.  I guess it's a virus and a bad one.... but it's been tiring.  We go back on Monday for a recheck.  Hopefully the diagnosis won't change again!!  Pray he'll feel better soon.  He's not looking very good. 

But what I really wanted to share was why we were late for the ENT appointment.... 

Well, it all started when I decided to shower at 1:00. 

Yes, in my house if I shower, everything falls apart.  And more often than not, trying to leave the house causes the same chemical reaction..... it gets messy and loud. I believe leaving the house with 5 kids might be why Valium was created and I think it's a reasonable prescription to write... "Take one at trying to leave the house time"  Just sayin'....

So, I was in the bathroom and as usual, kids were coming in and out because I'm the only one in the house not entitled to privacy.  Ezra was standing at my feet playing with the phone.  I heard the dial tone and thought to myself that I should take that away from him... but I'm not one to mess with something that is keeping the kid out of the toilet for once in his life... so I let him play with it.

Things were going pretty smoothly.... other than Isaiah completely ignoring everything I said, as usual, and bashing a ball up against the bathroom door repeatedly in precisely the most annoying rhythm there is.  "Stop throwing the ball against the door Isaiah!" I yelled through the door.  I continued trying to get dressed as I instructed them from the bathroom.....

Get your shoes on....

Sweatshirts!!....

Get the diaper bag and put a cup in it....

Sam, where are your socks?

Isaiah, get your sweatshirt on....

Sam, stop screaming and get your socks, I'll help you with your shoes....

Isaiah, stop irritating Sam....

Sam, stop screaming....

Isaiah, get your sweatshirt....

Desirae, stop playing the piano and find Ezra a shirt....

Sam, there's no need to scream....

Asa, find your shoes....

We have to get going guys, please get your sweatshirts and shoes on!!......

Sam, stop screaming... seriously... stop.....

Why does Ezra have a pool stick?

He didn't hit you with the stick on purpose Asa, it was an accident....

Don't hit Ezra, Asa....

Isaiah, get your sweatshirt on....

ISAIAH, ARE YOU SERIOUS??  WHERE IS YOUR SWEATSHIRT, I'M GOING TO KILL SOMEONE!!  GET YOUR SWEATSHIRT ON!!  (blood pressure seriously rising at this point...)

A few minutes later, I grabbed Ezra's socks from Isaiah's hand (to free him up from doing nothing so he could get his sweatshirt on!), sat E down on the mudroom floor while wiping Sam's tears and begging him to stop his howling... (he has a very loud and horrible cry that goes right through me), and as I put E's shoes on, I realized that he needed a diaper.  I didn't have time to go back to the bathroom, so I changed him on the mudroom floor.  I have honestly never done this once before in the 6 years we've had this mudroom (and will never again)...  so now I'm yelling from the mudroom....

Isaiah, can you grab a diaper for the baby.... 

Quickly please!!!.......

I open his diaper before I realize he has poop....

Trying to keep his hands out of it and his feet down, I yell to Isaiah who has DISAPPEARED...

And HE HAS POOP, so I need a couple of wipes too.....  (where is this kid?!?!)

ISAIAH, I'M WAITING FOR BABY WIPES AND HAVE POOP IN HERE, HURRY UP!!

Desirae interrupts me to say "Mama, there are police in our backyard"

Police?  Well, that's not all that unusual around here (they were in my yard a couple weeks ago looking for a guy who was running from them) so I get a new diaper on E and I go to the door wondering who they were looking for.... I look out and there are 4 cruisers... police on all sides of my house.... looking in windows from both sides of my kitchen.  One is knocking on my sliding door.

Hmmm... feeling a little like the day the drug task force was after me... I crack the sliding door to see what he wants....  he's leaning up against my mop handle I left hanging over the railing yesterday when I mopped the kitchen floor.... (that's right, it *was* clean... yesterday... )

"We had a 911 call from a child..."

"ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!" I said.

No, they don't joke about these things. 

He continued....

"We heard a child's voice and something about 'Put your shirt on"....

Oh my word....  this is awesome. 

"Is everything okay in there?" He asked.

And being who I am, I said "Yeah, everything's fine except we are trying to get out the door and nobody will get dressed!"  Lord, I hope he has kids and knows I'm not crazy.....I hope that makes sense to him...  I'm just glad *I'm* dressed... I look down to make sure I am... phew.

I turned around as he followed me in, fighting with the mop handle to get by... because you know they can't leave until they find the phone that still has the 911 operator waiting on it and they know it's not a kid locked in a closet somewhere....  I mean, it's probably in the handbook somewhere that just because the adult in the house says it was an accidental call, doesn't mean she's telling the truth. And look at her... she doesn't look very stable.... and she was just yelling about POOP!!

Suddenly the utter DISASTER in my house became obvious....crap everywhere.  And I mean EVERYWHERE. Why couldn't he have called the police yesterday?  There was food on the counter and floor... clothes all over the kitchen floor... the diaper bag torn apart and Desirae's prescription bottle of allergy medicine we carry in it laying out.  (he probably checked it out while I was walking around)  All of the couch cushions were scattered and piled into a big tower and the packing material from a package we opened all over the place..... what did they do to this house while I was in the shower?!?!?!  Why did I take a shower?!  Why did I let them in?  And are these cops going to call DHS on me is my next question...!?  I was horrified.  I was embarrassed.  And I was LATE.  I'm assuming they were wondering why my children weren't in school too....

My 5 kids, who now miraculously have their sweatshirts on and all look so put together, stand staring up at the police in my kitchen as one asks them if they are all ok here.  I, on the other hand, am running around with wet frazzled hair, ONE SHOE ON, and out of breath with a dirty diaper in my hand.... searching for my phone so they know I'm not really killing anyone and I can leave so I can get to the ENT. 

"Help me find the phone guys!!!"

They don't budge.

Is this seriously happening to me...?  Yes, yes it is....  You can't make this stuff up. 

I was starting to get a little worried about how I was getting these guys out of here should my phone not turn up.  We lose it for days at a time sometimes....Do I just say "Sorry, but I have to leave now...  Thanks for stopping by" ?   I think back to when I saw Ezra with it last.... he was next to me in the bathroom....The diaper pail!!

I open the diaper pail and hear the 911 operator talking.  I reach in past the poopy diapers and pull it out, hand it to the police officer and they hung it up at just over a total 9 minute call.  It took them about 3 minutes to get here and the rest was while we... I mean while *I*... searched for the phone. 

Apparently they move fast when mothers threaten to kill people....  too bad that doesn't work for my kids!   

I teetered between laughter and feeling like I wanted to puke the whole way to the ENT.  You know, just to be sure I also appeared insane to everyone I passed on the road.  The kids asked "What's funny Mama?" and I blurted out "I'm going to kill someone??... " as I laughed.  Yeah, way to look crazy Stacy.  But I just could *not* believe that 911 was in my diaper pail, which was right next to me as I yelled orders from my bathroom.  Who has things like this happen to them?!?   Desirae said something about seeing if there was someone who could make a movie out of our life.... she thinks 'that scene' from our house would make a good piece in a movie.  Maybe the movie proceeds can pay for all of my children's counseling when they are older - I think they might need it.

The appointment was quick and easy, we left and I stopped by Rachel's grave to finally plant the bulbs I've been trying to get over there for weeks now....I've stopped 3 times already and not had the stuff to do it.  I thought I had it all in the truck now.  I got out and put my gardening gloves on, opened my bag and realized I forgot the bulb digger.... guess I'll have to do that *another* time....got back in the truck and went to Market Basket to grab our Friday night pizza supplies... 

Did I just say I went to Market Basket with 5 of my kids on a Friday afternoon after the day I just had?  Yes, yes I did.  And I am obviously not all that smart.   Asa fell asleep on the way and I thought about leaving him and Des in the truck since waking him sounded dangerous.  She's old enough to babysit, she should be fine to sit in the car for 15 minutes I thought.... Um, yeah right, I can only imagine what else could go wrong today.  I can handle this....

I got out and walked around to get Asa.  There's a lady next to me trying to back out insisting I can go first... I motioned for her to go... she motioned for me... I yelled "I have a ton of kids, it's ok you go first!" and as she backed up, I look up to see Isaiah SHAKING Asa's little head all over the place, hard.  I don't understand that boy sometimes.  I'm starting to feel like he wants me to go to jail.  I can see the headline... Little boy shaken to death in Market Basket parking lot after police respond to a diaper pail 911 call....  "Isaiah, are you crazy?!  Stop shaking him like that...you're going to hurt him!" I said.  They all pile out....Asa's now crying which continued for most of the trip into the mob scene we call Market Basket.

As we walked in, I turned around to find Isaiah... you guessed it... not wearing his sweatshirt!!  IS THIS KID FOR REAL??  It's days like these I seriously want the yellow bus to come pick him up for 8 hours.  I love him dearly.  I even love his craziness... I would miss him if he went to school and I really don't want him to go anywhere,  but he wears. me. out.

Then, I pulled out one of the pizza crusts and a pile of crusts on the shelf came sliding down on me, all over the floor.  "This is ridiculous!" I moaned.... and as I stood up, there is my friend Melissa behind me smiling at me...  "Living the dream?" she joked knowingly... 

Yes, yes I am.  I'm living it.  It's my dream.  Always has been and always will be...  It's just in my dream, they put on their stuff when it was time to leave.  They listened and smiled and never talked back, they didn't shake each other, and they *never* called 911 while I was yelling at them.  Oh, that's right because in my dream, I never yelled. 

One of my favorite lines in Mom's Night Out is when she is encouraging a young mom who feels like a failure and says, "This mom thing is crazy hard and you're doing a great job."   - I think 'crazy hard' is an understatement.  I was so thankful for Melissa's comment at that moment.... to know that someone else understands what it is like to homeschool a bunch of kids who also aren't perfect and have a shelf empty on you at the end of the day.... and be talking to yourself as it does... to know that someone, anyone understands how hard this is and doesn't expect me to never mess up.  To know someone else gets that raising kids full time is not at all what we expect it to be going in.  I need people who can laugh with me because if I take myself too seriously, I'll go nuts.  Life is too short to be so serious all the time.  And honestly, my shoulders can't handle the weight of what it requires to be "perfect".  Because I'm so not.   I tried to watch that movie with Matt and he didn't understand why I thought it was funny - or why some parts moved me to tears... but I watched it with Desirae and she did.  She was laughing with me because she lives my dream 24/7 with me and she knows it's HARD. 

All I can say is I'm glad the cops got here when they did because about 30 seconds later and I would have been in my Suburban flying down the road for our appointment and they probably would have called it in as a chase!  LOL.  I can only imagine what they expected to find as they approached my house to me yelling "I'm waiting for Baby wipes and have poop in here!"  Oh my word, *that* must be on the tape too!!  (shaking my head)

"A kids voice and 'Something about put your shirt on'"... I can see why they sent 4 cars....

I walked into the ENT and said "I'm sorry we're late, the police were at our house."  Oh, the look on her face... I back tracked and explained it was the kid with the tubes' fault.... a likely story, right? 

Why is my life like this?  I'm getting too old for this kind of excitement.  Ezra is officially grounded from the phone - forever.  His big brown eyes saved him today - he's so cute I can barely stand it.

Did I mention a few weeks back MATT accidentally called 911 on his cell phone from church?  Yeah, it was the 2nd time that week HE did it, so they made us wait so they could confirm everyone was okay and showed up in the parking lot at church....  Fun times with the Aubes.  Never a dull moment!!