Saturday, July 12, 2014

Up All Night

A recap of last night...

I stayed up way too late organizing auction items.  went up to bed at almost 1am. Sam was sleeping in my bed with Matt.  I thought that was cute until we went to move him back to his bed and realized he had also peed. (he is not a bed wetter, so this was special for my bed!)  My spot was soaked!

Matt went in to get his bed ready and discovered Isaiah had peed the bed.  He changed his sheets while I took ours off, only to realize that we don't have a 2nd set of sheets anymore. I grabbed a chuck pad and laid a blanket over it, started a load of laundry and we got back into bed...

Then felt something wet... he had peed on Rachel's blanket too and I was snuggling with it - I ran down and threw that in the wash too.  Her blanket has been washed VERY few times since she was born.  I don't like to wash it if I don't have to - and I am not used to sleeping without it, I never do.  So that was hard.

I got back into bed....1:35.  5 minutes later, the baby woke up.  I got up and nursed him.  2:15 rolls around, I climbed back into bed.  2:20 we hear Asa crying, calling for Daddy... he peed in his bed... (yes, he was wearing a diaper, but it apparently wasn't in the right position) another bed change and we finally closed our eyes at 2:40, with my hand around Matt's finger under his pillow.

At 4 am... Ezra crying.... nursed him, got back in bed 4:30... 6 am, our well rested boys sleeping in beds with sheets woke up ready for the day.  Matt had gone to bed earlier than me, so he got up with them and let me stay in bed, but I wasn't sleeping good.  By the time morning comes, my body is aching so much, it's hard to sleep.  I rolled out of bed slowly, anticipating how much my feet would hurt when they hit the floor.  Some days it's a LOT.  Today was one of them.

And that is why I'm falling asleep sitting up at 9pm.  But somehow in the middle of all of that pee and sleep deprivation, I felt amazingly blessed.  I'm so thankful for each of my babies, here and in heaven.  I'm thankful for full hands and a full heart.  I'm thankful for beds to change and babies to nurse and blankets to wash.  And I'm thankful for Matt to walk through it all with... marriage is quite the experience... who else knows exactly what our pee covered house looks like at 2am?  We are a team... and without even needing to discuss a plan of action, we both step into our roles and get it done.  I know that might sound cheesy, but it was kind of nice... just to know that he's in this with me - 24 hours a day/7 days a week.

I knew it all along, that she had given me a different perspective... but last night was one of the times when I realized how much so.  I could feel God's grace all over me in those late hours when I was dying to sleep, but able to care for my family with such a desire to serve and love them... and I know Rachel had part in that.  I know her coming and leaving made me see inconveniences from children as something I longed for and something to be thankful for.  And I know that even though I have had much more time with each of them then I did with her so far, no amount of time is guaranteed and each day could be a last.

Lately, I'm overwhelmed with the idea of how short life really is.  I can hardly believe Ezra is almost a year old.  Time goes by so fast and as hard as these days are, I have no desire to rush them along.  I love these days - and nights... and I know one day I will look back and miss them... especially after a good night of sleep.

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