Wednesday, March 25, 2015

I Trust the Potter

Our owl pottery pieces arrived today  - and just as I feared, one was broken.  It was Desirae's of course... the one she was so longing to have... the whole reason I spent over $60 on buying, painting and shipping these... *sigh*

The big chunk missing looks like it can be glued back into place so I called the pottery place to ask what the best kind of glue to use is and she assured me that "This never happens."  (only to me, of course) She was very kind to give us a credit for the next time we are in town, and that was great since she could have said shipping issues were not her fault... but that didn't change a thing about the 12 year old girl sitting in front of me looking at the pottery I painted for her, on our special weekend, with disappointed eyes.

So I did what I do best... started talking with no clue what I was about to say... and dug deep for something Rachel's life has taught me...

"We can just look at it like... like... we can just look at it like just because it's not perfectly formed doesn't make it any less special."

She thought for a second and I waited to see if it would help... "Yeah... it's least it's in the back."  I continued nonchalantly, "It kind of gives it character." as I stirred the dinner I was cooking. 

She started planning her next piece she will paint with the credit and said she wants to go back each year on her birthday to paint a piece that she can make a collection for when she is older.  I told her maybe we can go back sooner than that for another girls day - to which she happily agreed.  I assured her I'd get the good glue and fix it the best I can.  I really hope it works and that she is just left with a little glue-filled crack as the reminder about 'imperfection not making things less special'... but if she has to live with the gaping hole... well, I can relate.

I thought back though to when the package arrived... I was in the shower and she came in all excited and said "Maaammmaa... look what I have..."  and proudly held up my mug.  I peeked out and said "Ooooh! I knew they were going to come today!" and she gave me a minute to enjoy it before telling me hers was broken.  I have to say, if I may brag for a moment... for a 12 year old who *really* wanted that owl jar, I'm seriously impressed that her first announcement to me wasn't "Mine is broken!"  She has a sincere concern for others and that makes me proud to be her mom.

On another note, I could use some prayer for my health.  The naturopath has been working with my supplements and I was doing pretty good - short version is all my issues this fall were because I was 'over methylated' from taking the active folate I thought I was supposed to be taking based on research and advice from others. (side note: PLEASE don't follow someone else's medical plan, every person's body is different!)  He used some other vitamins to remove the crazy amount of folate I had stored up (bc my body can't utilize it) and immediately I got better.  My blood pressure was down to a great number, my migraines went away, joint pain was all but gone, my moods evened out...

Well, I have to be on folate because of the MTHFR mutations.  So, he started me back on another kind weeks ago, just every other day and I was okay for maybe a few days.  It dawned on me yesterday that all of my issues have returned... migraines constantly - for days straight - horrible mood swings, joint pain like crazy and my blood pressure has started creeping back up.  I called today and he has me back to square one with supplements.  I'm thankful I recognized it early this time but it concerns me that what my body needs, it also doesn't take to well.  He said we'll figure it out, it's just going to be a balancing act because of the combination of mutations I have.  This is what he was telling me last month about 4 of the kids having 2 mutations on 677 which is worse for heart problems, but easier to treat because they almost never have this balance act problem... where Sam and I will have a harder time being treated because we will easily get over methylated and that has a whole other set of problems.  So please pray that we will figure out what I need and quickly.  Also for wisdom to stay on top of where the kids are at since they are all being treated now too and I don't know how they feel inside. 

I'm still waiting on results from my scan on Monday.  I think I had a horrible reaction to the contrast... not hives, but I was OUT OF IT for HOURS... actually, I fell asleep multiple times while driving myself home (I know, super dangerous) and then went to bed at 5:30 and couldn't come to when Matt tried to wake me. I am going to ask what to do for future scans, but I am not thrilled with this since scans are already nerve wracking enough.  It's not the common 'allergic' reaction, but it was pretty severe fatigue and that can't be normal.  Prayers for their discernment on that would be appreciated.

Lastly, I've been crying a lot... like on and off all day and night all week... over everything. I'm not sure if it's because I'm scared, overwhelmed, stretched way too thin, over methylated or a combination of all of it... but I'm struggling pretty bad.  I'm trying to only think on truth and to not get ahead of myself.  I'm at a major crossroads with school, where we live, health, Rachel's non profit... all of it... everything.  If you have talked to me in the last couple of weeks about me, you have seen me cry and that's a guarantee.  I don't have much to say about that other than I need prayer and I trust God with every detail of it all so I just ask that you carry me to the cross when I come to mind.

He formed me, He knew what parts would be broken, and He's the only One who can put me back together, if I'm even meant to ever be 'back together' on this side of heaven.  But I rest in the truth that I am HIS and not a single crack in my fragile self happens apart from His knowing it and Him carrying me through it.  If that means He brings me the special glue to hold me together... or if He allows me to stay the way I am until He creates me anew in my life after death... I trust the Potter.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (ESV)
16 So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 17 For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
Isaiah 43:1-7
   But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
For I am the Lord your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I gave Egypt for your ransom,
Ethiopia and Seba in your place.
Since you were precious in My sight,
You have been honored,
And I have loved you;
Therefore I will give men for you,
And people for your life.
Fear not, for I am with you;
I will bring your descendants from the east,
And gather you from the west;
I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
And to the south, ‘Do not keep them back!’
Bring My sons from afar,
And My daughters from the ends of the earth—
Everyone who is called by My name,
Whom I have created for My glory;
I have formed him, yes, I have made him.”

Isaiah 64:8
And yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand.

1 comment:

  1. Praying for you, my beautiful friend! Love to you and your family <3


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