Prayer Request

The past two nights I've felt a lot better.  I've stayed up later, functioned better and been less sick and less tired.  Most people would just be thankful that the first trimester torture was coming to an end, but in my world, it threw up a red flag... this isn't how it usually goes... unless they are going to die.  And I said to Matt last night "I hope everything is okay, I can't help but think it means the baby is dead."

This morning, I went in for my review at work.  I was waiting in the hallway for my boss and decided I'd go to the bathroom real quick.  And when I did, I discovered that I am bleeding.

As I washed my hands, I looked at my reflection in the mirror and said "It's okay".  I felt my blood rush to my face and fought the tears as I pulled myself from the bathroom to go to my review.

I was fine until I was driving home.  The tears came briefly and I wondered if I'm going to have to say goodbye again.  And if so, how this will change my life.  What will I do with all this love for my little E if I never get to hold him/her? 

I'm cramping mildly, not too much and have an appointment at 1:45 to get a rhogam shot (When rh negative people bleed they need this so the body doesn't try to fight against the baby) and to try to listen for a heartbeat.  Please pray.  I'm feeling okay, but I'm not usually an 'ignore it' kind of person and I want nothing more right now than to just ignore this and pretend it isn't happening.  I almost don't want to know..... I liked how I felt this morning when I woke up and hate that tomorrow could feel so much different.   Does anyone else get tired of having so little control?  I trust God....but I don't understand Him some times.....