Thursday, June 13, 2013

Picking Daisies

Saturday we got pizza and went to eat at Rachel's grave.  We stopped at McDonalds to get drinks on the way and there were daisies everywhere.  Matt hopped out and picked some for me to bring to her. 

I brought them and hung them on her shepherd hook.  I was wishing I had a vase so they wouldn't die right away. 

My visits have been less regular... almost never making it on Fridays anymore.  I'm just so tired and my days get away from me.  I don't feel the drive to get there on Fridays right now, so I go with whatever I need for the day.  Often it ends up being a Saturday or Sunday that I feel I want to be there.  I'm also starting to like to go with Matt more now, where I used to like to be alone.... I think partially because for a long time, he didn't really seem to like being there.  I'm not sure if it was just where he was at in his grieving process or not, but these days he will actually ask me if I want to go and it feels more like we're both 'in it' while we're there.... which is so good for my heart.  He helps me get it cleaned up (I hate dealing with bugs that gather in the grass clipping that land on her stone) and does the bending for me since I am not good at that these days. 

I can't believe she's been gone 2 1/2 years this month.  It feels like so much less and so much more at the same time. 

Feeling at a loss for words, but wanted to share about my guy picking his girls flowers.... I've been dying to get some of them off those hills and can't really do it myself, so it was a big deal.

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