Saturday, January 11, 2014

Home Together

All through 2013, Desirae was craving the American Girl Doll of the year, Saige. 

When Christmas came and went and Saige was still not hers, she was disappointed. My dad asked her if she would like her for her birthday.  She said "yes, but the problem is that they are 'only available while supplies last'."  They got on line to check if she was still in stock and Des was sad to find she was sold out.  My dad said he could get her the doll for 2014 instead and she expressed her concern that she wouldn't be as pretty as Saige.  But, I was surprised by the silver lining she found... "Well, now at least I don't have to worry anymore if she will be sold out."

I guess that's a good way to look at it...I think she might have inherited my I-can-handle-anything-if-I-know-what-it-is gene.

Over the next few days we waited to hear the announcement for the 2014 Girl of the Year...  We saw hints on line and saw that she liked to dance...  Desirae said "Awe...just like Rachel, I have a feeling this doll is going to be perfect!"  With a little bit of research, we noticed they hadn't had a blonde girl of the year in a few years.  I told her I thought this one would be blonde like her. 

You can imagine how excited she was when they revealed the new doll... She is blonde and has a ballerina on her shirt.  She "is a talented 10 year old who likes to dance and design ballet outfits" (Des is totally into designing fashion) and in my opinion, she is MUCH prettier than Saige - LOL. 

So the other day, my Dad (Papa) and my Grandma picked her up to drive her almost 2 hours away to the American Girl store to pick up her new daughter... Isabelle.  She asked if Isabelle could get her ears pierced and she picked out little blue daisy earrings for her that match the ones she got on Rachel's 6 week birthday and still wears to this day. 

This doll has "Rachel" written all over her... she is so perfect for Des that I was just as excited for her getting the doll (and all her accessories) as she was!  Papa also brought her to the restaurant in the American Girl store where Isabelle got her own seat and menu and Des was able to order "An appetizer and main course" as she tells everyone because she felt so fancy eating there.  She said it was the most exciting day of her life.

It was a pretty special day for a amazingly special girl. 

I was reminded of when I was pregnant with Rachel and someone anonymously gave her the "Kit" Doll who was "A bright light in the dark days".   Isabelle felt *that* perfect.  I was able to talk to Des about how much better this turned out to be when she waited and didn't push for what apparently took up a lot of her mental space. 

But the real reason I am sharing all of this is because Desirae has a cute little Christmas tree in her room.  She asked for it the first year I bought Rachel a little one for her grave and she decorates it with many of the same décor I use on Rachel's tree.  This year though, she wrapped a bunch of little presents for her dolls.  She told me the other day, when I asked about taking her tree down, that she was waiting to celebrate Christmas for when Saige came home, but now that Saige isn't coming home, she was waiting for Isabelle. 

She prepared to go get Isabelle on Tuesday morning by packing her AG "travel bag" that she got as a present from my brother and sister-in-law.  When she got home, she showed me all of her stuff and disappeared immediately to her bedroom.  I called up to see what she was doing and she said "I'm celebrating Christmas with Isabelle."  The funny thing is, I already knew that.

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been asked again and again how my Christmas was.  I want to just say it was great... because really, it was... but what has come out each time is "Christmas just isn't the same..."

And it's not. 

It hasn't felt like Christmas used to since Rachel died and I don't know if it ever will.  I can so relate to Des wanting to save opening the gifts and celebrating Christmas until her longed for daughter comes home.  I hate going through Christmas without Rachel. And as I saw her eagerness to open the gifts, that she has left waiting all this time, once she had Isabelle in her arms... I knew in my heart that I might need to be home with Rachel before I feel that old feeling again...  but it's okay, because one day, Christmas is coming...

Desirae kneeling in front of an Evergreen tree with her doll to open her beautifully wrapped and waited for gifts was a picture to me of the day I am waiting for.... the day that I will unwrap the gift of eternity with my girl kneeling in front of the Everlasting God - The day we'll be home together.
My dad helping Des & Isabelle out of the car after a long day of travels...

Aren't they pretty?  Des is showing her ballerina shirt.

The back of her "leather jacket" that came in her accessories kit.
These dolls clothes cost more than I pay for my own!!
It's been almost a week and Des is still carrying Isabelle around with her everywhere.  And I thought she was getting too old for dolls... I guess she has a little more time left in her.  Wish she had her little sister here to play along with her...

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