Still Her Mother

On Mother's Day, we visited another church.  I walked in with my gang and went up to the information desk to find out how the children's church worked.

I introduced myself and said "We have 6 children, but only 5 of them need care... our other little girl is with the Lord so she's already well taken care of."

In case you are wondering, I didn't think that up ahead of time, those words rolled off my tongue as naturally as I tell someone what my name is.

She responded "Yes, she is already being held by Jesus... I have two in heaven myself."

We both smiled knowingly at each other and continued on in our conversation about where the kids go and when...

But I think we both needed that little moment of knowing we weren't alone.

At the beginning of service, they said Happy Mother's Day to everyone and then said they wanted to take a minute to acknowledge the moms who had lost babies prematurely and to let them know that they were thinking of them.

I was right where I needed to be that morning.  I have sat through many Mother's Day sermons and never once heard them recognize mothers who have lost children.  I imagine that for some, maybe even more than me (especially if they lost their only baby and have yet to have another) that moment of acknowledgement was probably the most loving thing that they could have experienced that day.  Because they are still mothers.  I'm still Rachel's mother.  And some days, it's the hardest mothering I do.

I was so thankful for that.  There are certain days I miss Rachel more than others and Mother's Day is one of them.  But between the way I carry her with me so comfortably now and the way this church didn't run from - or just fail to think of - the topic of the loss of children, my heart got exactly what it needed on a day set apart for moms.  One that can carry so much pain for moms who have lost their babies. Because each of our children, no matter how brief their life is, matters to us... and it's so SO special when it matters to someone else too.