Sunday, January 18, 2015

When He Came For Me

After my post yesterday, I shouldn't have been surprised by this morning's worship, but it did still kind of hit me hard....

When I was pregnant with Rachel, we sang to her each day...

Jesus loves you this we know
For the Bible tells us so
Little ones to Him belong
We are weak, but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves you
Yes, Jesus loves you
Yes, Jesus loves you
The Bible tells me so.

No matter what anyone else thought of her... Jesus loved her and had a plan for her life, just as she was.

And then at her burial, when the pastor was done speaking, we all sat in this awkward silence not knowing what to do next and I whispered to Matt... "Let's sing a song." and he announced we'd be singing a song together and everyone joined in with Jesus loves you.  With her tiny casket at my feet, I sang her one last song... 

"Jesus loves you pretty girl... but you already know that, don't you"  I was quoted saying in the paper when they wrote to tell the community how Rachel's life had gone.

This morning, the man leading us in worship, mentioned the song above... and then said we're going to sing another song about God's love for us... it's like the first one, but a little different...

Yes, I totally pulled my phone out in church and took a picture...
Yesterday was the 14th anniversary of when I got arrested... for those of you new here and confused by that statement, Please Read This

And the extra lyrics in this version of Jesus Loves Me really speak to that part of God's love for me... Him coming for me when I was so far from him, totally against him...Lost, in chains, heart of stone, covered in shame... and how I could NOT run from him, even if I had wanted to.

He ripped me out of the darkness and brought me into the Light....(and I mean to tell you, He RIPPED me out!!)

He holds my heart... with His healing hands... He bears the scars... The rugged cross...My ONLY HOPE... My Everything.

14 years ago on January 18th, I woke up with a huge trial ahead of me... sober for the first time in years, facing 87 years in prison and carrying pain and addiction I would soon find out were not going to be easy to lose...  I can remember that morning clear as can be - my mom came over with the Newspaper, my name on the front page, and coffee and for the first time ever, she watched me smoke a cigarette... and then my sister lit one... and then my mom lit one... and we sat there smoking together for the first time....(yuk!) because what else could we do?  There it was in black and white... life was about to get real serious... maybe even completely end as I knew it...  but I never would have expected it would get BETTER!!  I never expected to look back and think on that time as the best discipline my Father would ever give me.  He was saving me from myself.  And he will go to ANY lengths necessary to get the attention of his children.  Any good Father would.

That Sunday, my mom brought us to church... a Catholic church that Alice went to every day for years... I didn't really hear anything out any of it, but I wanted to be there...  it never ceases to amaze me how even non believers somehow inherently run to God - or what they perceive as being "God" (the church or prayer - or asking for prayer) when the storms of life come.  It wasn't until a few years later that I came to know Jesus and was truly saved from myself and from eternity in hell, but it was that day that I believe God said "Enough is enough" and his pursuit of my heart began.

I'm so thankful He loves me... because some days my shame from my past and the lies of satan can make me think there is no possible way he could. (which without Jesus, there isn't!) But it's that exact feeling that keeps me where I need to be.. humbled at the foot of the cross... where I can come boldly before my God and He will help me in my time of need. 

Hebrews 4:16(NKJV)

Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Here are the lyrics...

Jesus Loves Me
Chris Tomlin

I was lost
I was in chains
The world had a hold of me

My heart was a stone
I was covered in shame
When He came for me

I couldn't run, couldn't run from His presence
I couldn't run, couldn't run from His arms

Jesus, He loves me, He loves me, He is for me
Jesus, how can it be, He loves me, He is for me

And it was a fire
Deep in my soul
I'll never be the same

I stepped out of the dark
And into the light
When He called my name

I couldn't run, couldn't run from His presence
I couldn't run, couldn't run from His arms

He holds the stars and He holds my heart
With healing hands that bear the scars
The rugged cross where He died for me
My only hope, my everything

1 comment:

We so appreciate your words of encouragement!
Thank you! ♥ The Aubes