A Baby Name

In September, while we were on vacation, God gave us a name.... a baby name.... It's something we do for fun - throw out random names and ask "Do you like _____ for a name?"   And no, I wasn't pregnant, this is actually something we do for no reason.  But this time, I threw out the meaning I wanted in a name and God literally pulled a ton of details together over the next few days until both of us were 100% certain He had given us the name.  It is perfect.

So, I can't tell you what the name is... yet. 

But what I can tell you is that on Thanksgiving morning, Asa and I made an early morning trip to Walmart because my home pregnancy test had a very faint second line and I wanted to make sure it wasn't defective.  And I can tell you that I've taken two more tests since then and the second line continues to get darker.  And I can tell you that I had it confirmed at Options for Women the next week.  And I can tell you that we're really excited....  And I can tell you that it starts with E.

Baby E is expected to arrive on 7-23-13.  Our only summer baby so far and ironically, those numbers added together = 43 ♥

It was my first cycle after nursing Asa and it was very long.... so long that I had taken a couple tests previously that had come back negative and I had decided I was getting old and my body was changing.  I've always had 28 day cycles.  So when I got to day 39 and hadn't had a positive yet, I really didn't expect a positive... I expected I would start any day.  But there it was right in front of my eyes.....  I'm having another baby!  I hope.

Given the length of my cycle, we are doing an ultrasound on the 18th to get an accurate due date.  My calculations come out more around August 3rd.  And honestly, I'm going to call it now... I think this baby is going to be my birthday present :o)  (7/28)

Shortly before Rachel's birthday, I found out I am pregnant...  and sometime close to her diagnosis day, we will be expecting to meet this little one.  The two hardest weeks of my life and I have been given a reason to rejoice!

So, here is the reason that I haven't told anyone.... and it's not a good one.  And I'm sorry if this is something you would rather hear from us than through a blog.... I mean, how did we know anything about anyone before Facebook? 

I feel like people won't be happy for us.  And I don't want to hear the "another one, you guys?!"  or the "oh no, you poor thing" or "are you crazy?" or "people with lots of kids are poor" or any of the other lovely things I have heard from people in the past - and we were only on baby #4 then, not #7 - so I don't expect it to be any better this time, except now I have to also hear the judgement over the fact that we're known to have babies without heads and miscarriages - and "why would I want to risk putting myself through that again?" 

And so rather than have to hear it from anyone, I'm giving you all time to get the sighs and the negative remarks out of your system before we speak.  And if you still have them when we do speak, maybe the time between now and then will help you to keep them to yourself.  Because we are happy.  We are excited to welcome another blessing from God.  We are trusting God can and will provide all our needs and that no matter what happens, He will be with us.  And we aren't interested in anyones sympathy over something we find to be a great joy and honor.

And if you are happy for us and rejoicing with us, thank you!!!  I have actually already come up with my one liner (you know how I like to have those... it helps me to not say something I'll regret!) for the people who say "you have your hands full!"  in a negative tone while at the stores...  I plan to say "I know, and I can't wait until they all have kids and come home for Thanksgiving!  It's going to be AWESOME!!"  I came up with that one day as I was telling my friend Megan how great I thought Thanksgivings would be and caught myself smiling like a kid at Christmas... and then I realized I found out I was pregnant on Thanksgiving day!! ♥  Thanksgivings will be awesome, I can't wait!! 

Originally, I planned to wait to share until we were 12-13 weeks and they could see that this baby had a nice round head...  I know that part of the reason people are not happy for us, when they are for other people is because I am the one who has babies that die... that doesn't happen to other people in our family... so I wanted to help that 'problem' by not telling anyone until I knew for sure its head was there. 

I'm sure I could be wrong... but I feel that everything is going to be ok.  And I know that can mean two different things.  I hope it means that this baby is whole and healthy and will join our family for keeps.  But if it means that God is preparing me like He prepared me for Rachel, well, I'm thankful for that.  And I believe the best way to show how awesome my God is, is to trust in HIS plan... His whole plan... and the only way I can share that fully is to be vulnerable and say it....


I'm pregnant, I don't know if this baby will live, I love him/her anyway - no matter what -and always will...  And I know that God is in this.

On Rachel's birthday, I rearranged my photos so that I could fit our new family drawing (which is going to have to be update, Chloe!!)... and in doing so, I spaced them out more.  Which made it possible to add my 6th frame in our row of children for Baby E. ♥


It amazes me that 'somehow' Rachel's photo always shines so bright when I take a pic!
so angelic ♥

 

If you could be praying for us, that would be appreciated.... particularly because on the 18th (the day I was due with the baby I miscarried) I will go back for the first time to the ultrasound room where I had Rachel's diagnosis ultrasound.  I left that hospital on August 4, 2010 and never went back.... but I have decided to use that doctor again as well.  And that will probably be hard too.  I'm more nervous about the emotions that it will bring up being there than the actual ultrasound, but deep down I know the fear is there... that I might get bad news again.  That I could be just trusting enough to get blindsided... but I suppose I could never be as caught off guard as with Rachel.  And expecting bad news only does one thing... ruins today too.  So for now, I stand in faith that God has woven together a healthy baby in my womb - and that if He hasn't, I will be ok.

So, there it is... welcome to the world Baby E.... we love you already!!!