Friday, December 7, 2012

Bye Bye Gum Paste

On Monday when we visited Rachel for her birthday, I left the cake topper (the dandelion part) on her stone.  I expected it to fly away - or maybe get eaten by a deer.  When I pulled in to the cemetery today, I could see from a distance it was still there and I was a little sad cause that meant I was going to have to throw it away and I hate throwing things of hers away.

Um, that would have been easier than what I found!  Apparently there was enough warm sun that day to melt the gum paste.... and melt it did.... and then it got cold enough to make it extremely hard to get off.

So, with a flat head screwdriver and some partially frozen wet wipes, I scraped and wiped and scraped and wiped until my hands felt like they would fall off, it was so cold!  It was all over the top and had dripped down the side.  After finishing one pack of wet wipes, I went to the van to grab another and Des said "looks like the seeds have scattered a little too much". 

And as I continued on pulling the bubblegum like cake decoration off my girl's stone, I thought about that....  some of the seeds her life has scattered have brought me beautiful and irreplaceable friendships.  Many more than I ever would have expected - and certainly more 'real' friends than I had before Rachel.  Some seeds have brought me brief friendships that lasted for a purpose and for a time.  But, some have been ones I've come to find were just for looks.... just a topper that was only connected long enough to be part of the presentation - and then when nobody is looking, they turn to a gum paste mess. 

Unfortunately, in the midst of the beauty of our new baby's announcement, there are a couple of people who have revealed their true makeup - although they look like a nice 'topper' and the presentation is pretty and all, the truth is still there and it's still a mess.  And just like, although I wasn't at Rachel's grave watching each drop of that gooey mess fall, God saw it all - He sees all that is being done now.  No matter how innocent things can appear or be claimed as, HE knows the heart and HE knows the motive.  And HE will be the one to take care of it.  Not me. 

I wiped away the last of the gum paste and blew warm breath on my fingers to take the chill out of them.... I continued on until I wiped down every inch of her stone.  The messy stuff had caused me to clean the stuff I hadn't noticed until today.... and now her stone is shining like it hasn't in a while.

I knew in that moment, that no matter what people do to try to steal my joy - or the beauty I find in My ROCK... my God.... It can't be moved.  He is stronger, more sure, more lasting than anything anyone can do to me.  He knows my heart, He knows the truth, He knows my baby...  and He will ultimately judge and deal with everyone.  The good and the bad.  Gum paste toppers and all. 

I figured out why the deer didn't take the topper - they are smarter than me.  I wish I would have been wiser in who I allowed into my heart along this journey.  I wanted so badly for God to touch as many people as possible, but I have been too trusting and I have been burned by people who claimed to care - but who really are too self-absorbed to care about anyone but themselves.  I wish I could have told the difference between the cake and the topper. 

The funny thing is that looking back, it's always been the real cake - the true friends - the ones who care about me and my heart - that have tended to be less likely to try to convince me they are on my side.  They just show it by their deeds.  They quietly stand with me and for me.  They listen, and give me solid, godly council (even if I won't like it) when I need input - but they also love me enough to hear my heart and my concerns....and put aside their pride to try to understand me.  My Nana always said if you had a couple of real friends, you were blessed.  I didn't get it then, but I do now... they are hard to come by.

So, in a world where we have hundreds of 'friends' on facebook - where people 'friend' you so they can see into your life - and the immature use it as a platform to ridicule and jab at you until you wonder why in the world anyone on the face of the planet even wants a facebook page..... I'm redefining 'friends'. 

See, people say all sorts of aggressive things they would never say to someone's face on facebook... people are snide and cruel.  I've been mocked and ridiculed publically (in a passive-aggressive, yet very obvious way), all because of a simple and humble request I made privately about something that was so very plain to see - and only becoming MORE blatantly obvious since I shared my heart about it yesterday.  In an attempt to prove their points (which is basically that they can do whatever they want regardless of how it makes me feel), they are only proving what I said to be true, which is actually kind of amusing - and sad... but it still causes me unnecessary pain.  Mostly because I thought they were my friends.  And friends don't act like that - even if they disagree.  I know this because I have real friends who I can disagree with and they don't start throwing gum paste around.... we can love each other AND disagree, it's a beautiful thing.  I guess that's probably more about their maturity (which apparently does not come with age) than their personality, because nobody likes to be confronted.  Some just handle it better than others. 

I'm removing the gum paste so I can see the shiny stone underneath.... I am clearing away the gooey mess and looking to the beauty of my Rock.  I'm learning that I need to be more careful with cake toppers and where I trust them.  And I'm standing firm in the fact that God knows.  Vengeance is HIS.  He is my Vindicator.  I'd rather be happy than right.... and even if they get away with this behavior for now, they can never have what God has given me in Rachel or Baby E - and one day they will answer to God and they won't be able to play the "who me?" card.  He knows and cannot be fooled.  I love that about God.
Galatians 6:7-10
7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

I'm asking God to help me obey and trust this passage.  To remember Who He is when I feel attacked.  Please pray this for me.  I want to be obedient to Christ.  I want to shine for Him, even if it means I have to let others persecute me.

2 Cor. 12:9 – 10
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong
1John 4:20-21
If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.
Please Lord, help me to love those who do not show love to me. 
Why is that so hard? 
You do it all the time.  Help me to be more like You.


  1. Isn't it awesome when GOD gives you insight and wisdom about life in what others may see as just another mess to clean up???? This actually made me tear up, there is so much truth in this! (By the way, and not that you need anyone's approval because you already have HIS, but I am THRILLED for your family and the gift of baby E!)

  2. I think it is awesome that GOD has given you insight and wisdom in something many others would just consider "another mess to clean up". I actually teared up reading this because there is so much truth in the wisdom HE has given you!!!


We so appreciate your words of encouragement!
Thank you! ♥ The Aubes