Prayer Request

So, last week I mentioned I was feeling sick.  As much as I would love to believe it is just a bug that will go away, it's not.  This would make a first for me... 2nd trimester nausea.  Wonderful.  I feel like I'm back in the first trimester with sudden nausea and extreme exhaustion.

Then at my last appointment, I measured 28 weeks when I was only 23.  I usually do measure 1-2 weeks ahead so that wouldn't surprise me, but 5 was a little shocking.  The doctor said "we" wouldn't worry about it as long as the next couple of months measured consistently from this point.  I tried to go along with her idea of not worrying together, but after what I went through with Rachel, the thought of having polyhyramnios (excess amniotic fluid) again scares the crap out of me.  It was SO painful.  And the medicine they gave me to help control it with Rachel, isn't something I could take with a baby who is 'supposed to live'.  So, while I told her I wouldn't worry, I started worrying.... would this mean I was going to spend the rest of my pregnancy in pain and end up going into labor early?  Would I not be able to have another VBAC?  Would I make it thru the 1 hr 15 min drive to the hospital if my water broke at home early on my 6th baby?  Could I go so early that baby could have trouble surviving?  Somehow, I've managed to take most of my thoughts captive and trust God....

And then it started....  the extreme back pain like I had with Rachel.  I can't make it through a night without waking up in tears and then I'm up for the rest of the day cause laying back down is too painful.  I did fall on the stairs last week, but I don't think it was hard enough to mess anything up.  I mostly just hurt my leg.  I also have arthritis in my back and neck, so bone issues aren't really anything new for me... I can very clearly tell these are NOT muscle pains.  Matt's been rubbing my back throughout the nights and it doesn't help a single bit. I've been in all the good 'back labor positions' to see if baby was laying on a nerve.  And mostly crying a lot. Neither of us are getting much sleep these days.  The pain is from the back of my neck all the way down to my butt and then the entire right side of my body.  Nothing on the left at all.  It feels like my spine gets stiff from laying down and when I move, everything spasms or something.  It's excruciating.  Yesterday at Rachel's Playground, I sat down to go down the slide with they boys and my right arm went completely numb until I stood up again, which makes me think it's a nerve issue....but for the most part, my back only hurts at night, which is good - sort of.

I just talked to the doctor who said exactly what I didn't want to hear... just keep changing my positions and using heat or cold as feels best... and take Tylenol (which everyone knows is useless in pain relief as well as swelling)  I'm going to get a belly support band and probably resort to sleeping in the chair (*so* wish I had a recliner)  She said I could have an ultrasound to measure the fluid, but she thinks it is a little too early to tell if poly is an issue.  I haven't decided what to do on that yet.  The good news is that my original fear was that it meant baby wasn't swallowing right, but when I looked into it, it appears as though they don't start swallowing until right about now so that probably has nothing to do with it.  That's a relief because it means if there is something wrong with someone, it is me, not the baby.

So, here is my point... I really need prayer.  I don't need advice, believe me I've tried it all and will continue to.  I also don't want you to try to make me feel better by minimizing it based on your own experiences - Because, while all mothers have a bit of worrying to do during a pregnancy, this entire thing is more complicated for my heart than the average mother.  The thing is, no matter what anyone says, I will remain scared of going through the next 15 weeks in intense pain (while trying to care for my other children) and the possibility of this affecting a safe delivery for my baby until I get confirmation that I don't have poly again and until this unbelievable pain stops.  So please, just pray.

I was ordering some photos this morning of Rachel's birthday so I can finally get working on her scrapbook and when I came across the ones right before her delivery, I cried when I saw my head hung in prayer.  The unbelievable need for God and God alone and the amazing peace He granted me in those hours.  What else could I do? 

I thought back to the prayer list I had sent out when I got her diagnosis...  That she would stay in me until her due date and be able to come home with us... that she would be here for Des' birthday... that we would need her car seat....that she would have two dates on her headstone....none of it came to be... and so while I'm tempted to wonder what the sense in praying is if God already knows exactly what will happen with this baby and my pregnancy, I know one thing for sure....  I only made it through those days because of the people who continuously carried me to my Father in prayer.  It didn't change my circumstances, but it did help me in so many ways.

And on that note, I'm going to give a prayer list, if you could please pray for these things, it would mean a lot to me.  Not because it will change any of it - but because I need strength to get through it and I know God hears.

- That my back pain would not continue like this for the rest of this pregnancy
- That I don't/won't have polyhydramnios
- For a safe, full term VBAC delivery of this *healthy* little one.
- That the doctors would be proactive in staying on top of my symptoms and not overlook anything.
- For peace in my heart and God's continual protection in my mind.

And while I'm at it, I really need prayer for a couple of other things...

- We need to find a decent, used, 8 passenger van before this baby arrives - we don't fit in ours with car seats.  (they are next to impossible to locate and we have just our trade towards it financially - we really can't do a larger vehicle due to the cost of gas)
- For a few upcoming decisions (can't specify, but God knows)

Thank you ♥