Silent Soul Taking Refuge

For as hard as I thought last year was, this year has proven to be harder....  in a much different way. 

There are a few different areas we have chosen to take a stand in lately and as a result, we are being judged and attacked from every angle.  We've been praying and God isn't stopping it.  And we find ourselves questioning our stance and wanting to back down for the sake of comfort.  I was given council to wait silently for God to direct me in my words or actions.... and so I sit.... me, speechless?  If it would be from God, yes.  I have all sorts of things I could say from my own depraved mind and heart... but that's not love.

The sad part is that it takes being in a very difficult place for me to completely surrender to God again - but as I have, I am yet again humbled by how He meets me there every time.

I started reading through the Psalms again recently (I plan to read thru them before baby E comes) and this morning, I was in Psalm 22.  It's about the suffering, praise and posterity of the Messiah.... *sigh*... and reminded me that in times of hardship and crisis, what others are doing (even if to me) is not as important as what God is doing.  When I focus on God and what HE wants from me and IS to me, rather than worrying about what anyone else thinks about me or what they think about how we have been led by God, He is always near - and His presence is our deliverance.  Not man's approval or acceptance. 

But, I'm not going to lie.... that is HARD for this girl - I've always cared WAY too much what others think about me.  If their input is based on God's Word and I need to hear it, then I should be.... but if it's worldly chatter and a human perspective.... I can't be.  Or I'll never do what I should.  I'll always be compromising what God calls me to. Which as uncomfortable as it can be at times, I KNOW is for my good and the good of my children whom I have the responsibility to raise to know and love HIS ways - not the worlds.  I guess I am finally seeing just how sacrificial this can be... and it's painful.

Yesterday in church, we sang the song playing on my blog right now.  I know it's just a song - but I was thankful for the timing and how the lyrics lined up with my reading this morning.  God is here.  I am not sure why everything needs to happen at once - or how much He thinks I can handle - but I know He is here.  He is my refuge and strength....and as I lift my eyes up, my God comes through - always.  Maybe not in the form of the world around me understanding or even accepting me, but that's okay because HE is my deliverance.  My soul will rest in Him.

Psalm 62:5-7

 

⁵ My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him.
⁶ He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved.
⁷ In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, And my refuge, is in God.

"Always"

Kristian Stanfill
My foes are many, they rise against me
But I will hold my ground
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

Troubles surround me, chaos abounding
My soul will rest in You
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
From You Lord, from You Lord

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always, always