Friday, March 16, 2012

There's Something About The Rain

I remember going with my mom one Mother's Day to visit my Nana's grave.  Desirae was with us and she was only 2.  After we cleaned up my Nana's grave, we walked around looking at stones.  Right between where Nana is buried and where Rachel is buried, there is a baby section.  I remember everything about that day.  It was sunny, the wind was blowing gently and Desirae was running around.  As we walked, we read all of the baby's names aloud and sighed at how sad it was they were so young.  I watched Desirae play sweetly with a pinwheel someone had left for their baby and just thanked God I had her with me.

I had no idea that in just 6 years, I would have another daughter that would be buried near by. I walked through that section with Desirae again when we went this past Sunday and walked up to my Nana's grave.  We read the names and sighed together.  She's old enough to get it now, and unfortunately has first hand experience.  There was a baby born on December 1 and died on Christmas day.  I couldn't help but think that me & that mom have a similar month of December.  Hard.

Today when I went to visit Rachel, it was raining.  Somehow the pictures I took today look a lot brighter than it actually was.

I was on the phone with my mom when I pulled up and so I sat in the van talking to her for a while, remembering again that day 6 years ago when 3 generations of girls walked those grounds together unable to imagine the loss of a child. 

I looked through the window at her stone, the swirls were showing so much more than usual.  The sky was grey, the clouds were thick, it was wet and dreary.

But there is something about the rain that makes things more beautiful

Have I mentioned that I drew that design around her name?  I used to hate it, but now I'm glad it's there.


  1. It's a beautiful stone, Stacy. A beautiful stone for a beautiful baby girl with a beatiful big sister and a beautiful Momma. Thank you for sharing Rachel and yourself with us. BIG hugs! <3

  2. Its funny when we look back on those times, isn't it, never ever imagining at the time that it would be us in that very same boat in not too long. I've had two moments like that too. One, in a cemetery when my friend and I went to 'explore' it one day, and I clearly also remember looking through all the baby ones thinking how sad it was, never knowing I would be there myself one day. And another thing I remember recently was that I used to, years ago, scrapbook a few pages here and there for albums for parents of stillborns. I remembered this because I came across a poem I had saved in my computer not long after Seb died, and I had to catch my breath. To think I once made them for others, thinking how sad it was, and here I was a few years later with a stillborn son myself. hindsight is amazing sometimes, and makes you think if God was working, even back then??
    Love to you all xx


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