Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Today's Results

It's been a very LONG day.....  we left the house at 10am and didn't get back until 5pm.  Came home and had to find something to feed the kids (settled on a salad with nuggets in it) and Matt is just finally getting them all tucked in now... WAY passed their bedtime.
My ultrasound started the way all of Rachel's did... with an hour long wait in the waiting room!  By the time they called us in, it was already way past my lunch time!  We had an awesome tech who was very thorough and explained everything she was doing.  She seemed to really enjoy watching our baby move and squirm with us and was patient with all of our questions.  The final results??.....
Baby's scull... perfect.
Baby's brain... perfect.
Baby's heart... perfect.
Baby's kidneys... perfect.
Baby's belly... perfect.
Baby's bladder... perfect.
Baby's gallbladder... perfect.
Baby's spine...perfect.
Placenta and cord... perfect.
Two arms.  Two legs.  Two hands.  Two feet.  Two eyes.  Two ears.  A cute little mouth and perfect Aube nose.   We watched baby dance around and yawn and wave and stretched like it's been a hard day.  We laughed and smiled and cried happy tears. 
We are so blessed.  Blessed to have a good report - and even more blessed to know what a blessing a good report is.  We take not one of these amazing and intricate details for granted, knowing that every single day hundreds of families grieve the loss of their child for one or more of these things not working properly.  We've felt that pain... and today, we are so humbled that it isn't our truth with this baby... this time... yet.  And we thank God for giving us the possibility of taking this precious baby home this summer to join our crazy family.... knowing it is never a guarantee and thanking Him for every second we get with this baby even so.
Baby E is approximately 12 oz.... right on track.  She said that they don't usually give 4D pics this early because since they are still skinny, some people get 'wierded out'.  I didn't say it, but I was thinking after the ultrasounds I have seen of my baby without a head, I think I can handle 'skinny'.  But it just made me realize even more how some people really have no idea what they are blessed with in a healthy baby. 
I love this pic with hand waving in front!

We left and went to eat at Longhorn's.... the same place we ate after Rachel's second opinion.  I remember sitting in that restaurant 2 1/2 years ago discussing how we were going to handle telling people that our daughter was going to die.  The only part of that meal that I remember is trying to hide my tears from everyone around us.  I don't even remember actually eating, never mind tasting the food.

This time, we ate food that we could actually taste and I wasn't crying.  We imagined what it will be like to add this baby to our family and dreamed about growing old with another child in our lives.  We prayed a prayer of thanks instead of a prayer of desperation.  We told the waitress about our new little one on the way, the good news we had just received... and of course, about our little girl who made us who we are today and showed us why this 'routine ultrasound' is not to be taken lightly.

Matt asked me if I wanted to get a bead for my Chamilia bracelet as a way to remember today.  I was shocked because he doesn't usually come up with ways to spend money.... especially with how tight our finances are right now. 

I had won the bid on a Chamilia Bracelet and a couple of charms at Rachel's last race.  (it was being auctioned as the "Rachel bracelet" so I had to win it!)  We have not added any beads to it and I wasn't overly crazy about the ones it came with.  but they go for like $30 a piece and we just don't spend that kind of money - so I don't wear it much.  Anyway, we finished eating and went to the jewelry store nearby.  I was going between two beads... I liked the other one better, but wasn't sure if it said "Rachel" more than "Baby E" and I wanted something that said both... but I knew I needed today to be about Baby E, not just Rachel.  So, finally Matt asked me "Which one means more as far as today goes?"  I looked at them both for a couple more minutes, but every time I looked at this one, I got choked up, so I knew it was the one. 

I remember writing a post when I was pregnant with Asa talking about why we call the babies after a loss "Rainbow babies".  Because a rainbow doesn't mean that the storm never happened, but that there is beauty after the rain.... and I remember writing about how God gave Noah a rainbow to serve as a promise that He would never flood the whole earth again - but that my "rainbow" wasn't about Him promising to never take another child of mine again... but that MY rainbow was that no matter what...He would be with me. 

So, every time my eyes met this rainbow charm again, I would hear in my heart "I am with you" and feel like I was going to cry right there.  Also, the bead has 6 stones on it... one for each of my children.  And we do have another healthy rainbow on the way..... I CANNOT WAIT to hold this baby in my arms! 


  1. E does have that sweet little Aube nose. Congrats on such a blessed day! I love the charm. Such a nice way to remember your beautiful six children!

  2. So happy that your ultrasound went well! And glad you were able to find the perfect bead to represent all your beautiful children. <3 Hugs and continued prayers for you.


  3. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
    Love and prayers, anja

  4. I'd never thought about a rainbow the way you do. It is very sweet and powerful at the same time.

    I'm very happy for you and your family. You all deserve this blessing. I bet the "it doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl" is even more significant right now. :)

  5. I'm so happy for you! BIG hugs! And if I may ask, what was the other charm you were contemplating?

    1. I don't know the names...but one was two separate hearts inside an infinity shape (like an 8 shape that curved around the bead with a heart on each side) To me, I felt like it said "eternal love"... which is true for all my kids, but it really made me think of Rachel. And the other one that I loved, but was all Rachel, was the puzzle piece <3


We so appreciate your words of encouragement!
Thank you! ♥ The Aubes