This morning was one of those days that I wondered how I'm going to make it through my career as a homemaker alive. I should get paid for this...
From 7:30 until about 9:00 went okay. Then the kids started bickering and Sam started hanging off my leg whining over everything. And then I made the big mistake... I took a shower! When I came out of the bathroom 15 minutes later, I found Sam with a poopy diaper, no pants. Des had brought down half of her dolls and their accessories and they were scattered all over the house from the living room to the mud room. Isaiah had torn the cushions off my HUGE couch again and gotten into the mop bucket I never emptied yesterday. They were arguing and hitting each other and Sam was chasing Des around screaming cause he wanted to push her doll stroller and she wouldn't let him - cause although she's seems really big, she's still a little girl who doesn't always like to share. As I was getting stuff together to leave, Isaiah opened the door and him and Sam decided to make a run for it to the neighbors yard. I finally got them all in the van and went to get an ice coffee as my "paycheck" - after all it IS Friday!
I got to the corner store, rolled up the windows, turned on the AC and got my spare key out so I could leave my van running and the kids in the car so that I didn't have to try to take care of them while making my ice coffee. I've had this conversation many times with people over whether it's okay to leave your kids in the car or not while you run in. In my ENTIRE LIFE I've only left the kids in the car a handful of times to go into a store and as I walked up to the door (which I'm parked right in front of, kids watching me go in) out walks a cop, and as he held the door for me, I imagined he'd be waiting for me when I got out. My "stress free" coffee making turned into a panic attack. I must have made that coffee in about 5 secs. and cut off every person who even thought about getting in front of me. I came out, they were still there and he wasn't and all was good. Should have just brought them with me!
We went to Rachel's Playground to play and saw that some of the Rosy Returns are blooming - just in time for Rose's birthday next week, which made me smile. We ate lunch there and I noticed that along the tree line there are a bunch of wild daisies...
Then we headed to the cemetery. I was so exhausted from the previous 2 hours that my goal was to go visit and relax a bit at her grave while the kids ran around getting tired...it was my plan for a quiet afternoon when we got back. Well, on the way there it started to rain, so much for sitting on the ground. It cleared before I got there, but then I pulled up to find my first husband (I hate that term) standing at the young kid's grave right by Rachel.
Let me say that I have not talked to him one word since I was in rehab and gave my mom crap for bringing him to see me. I saw him last at our court hearing where our divorce was made final and have never seen him or talked to him again... it's been almost 10 years. I've wondered if I would even recognize him if I saw him. We've lived in the same town or close to it since 2002 and have never bumped into each other. I was so messed up back then - and for years I had a lot of anger over what he did... but over the last couple of years, my anger has faded and I've been able to recognize my own craziness in the mess. Back then, as a non-believer, marriage didn't have the same meaning it does now. I saw it as most people in the world see it, if it's too hard or if you're not having fun, or especially if they hurt you - you leave and never look back. And that's what I did. I'm thankful that God used it for my good although that is not what I deserved.
So, I find myself standing at Rachel's grave talking to him and wondering how in the world this moment came to be... not much was said and then he left, but I feel like God brought healing to us both in that couple of minutes.
I came home to find Amanda in my driveway with flowers and a caramel candy bar :o) "It's Friday" she said... that it is. We talked for a while about ideas for Rachel's 5K and she took some of my letters and a poster to help me get the word out and hopefully obtain some corporate sponsors. It's so nice to have someone approach me wanting to help. Definitely makes me feel like me & Rachel are loved.
While we were talking my kids went back to crazy mode... Sam played in the mud and since he's a kid who doesn't like to get dirty, that created a major problem for me when I said it was time to come in. (full temper tantrum on the wet ground outside) Amanda left, I got Sam into the bath (after he smeared his muddy hands all over everything!) while Des & Isaiah fought over the TV show they were going to watch. Sam managed to dump most of his bath water onto the bathroom floor while I wasn't looking. My kids were all worn out, just like I had planned, but never got a nap or quiet time - bad combination. I got them dinner as Sam hung off my leg and cried and I listened to Des tell Isaiah how he irritates her. Right back to where I started.
I got my flowers in a vase, ate my candy bar and had some tea, fed them and got them to clean the living room, got Sam in bed and I'm waiting for Matt to get home and take me out. (he planned this on his own and got us a sitter - and this ended up being one out of maybe 5 times all year he'll be this late...go figure.) Des is in the living room reading to Isaiah the notebooks where I write down all the funny things the kids have said since they were old enough to talk and they are giggling together.
At the end of the day, there's no place else I'd rather be. Even on a crazy, unpredictable Friday.
As I was finishing this post up, I told Isaiah to go get his pull up on for bed and he came out like this: