The 5th Hook & Gifts 20-58

Only blogging on Fridays has been hard for me... there are so many things I want to write - and although I've gotten much accomplished on my book (chapter 1 just needs some editing!) it's not the same.  Writing on my blog has always been a good outlet for my feelings and the book is more structured and just feels harder. 

Yesterday we got a good amount of snow.  I'm always coming up with new ideas to organize here - I hate clutter and we're a good size family in a fairly small house so I get creative.  It drives me nuts that when the kids come in from playing outside, the kitchen ends up with wet snow stuff all over it (our mudroom is on the wrong side of the house!) so I bought these hooks to hang jackets and snow pants on and decided to screw them into the side of the counter by the back door where the heater is - so there is a place to hang stuff until it dries.  Isaiah & Matt put them up for me yesterday.  I bought 4 of them and kept telling Matt that I should have bought a 5th one for Asa.  I measured it all out, leaving space so we could get another one and put it up.  Matt said that we wouldn't need a 5th one for a while and I'm surprised he didn't question me when I said we would "in a year or so" because it dawned on me after we put up the 4, that we have enough - Asa already has a hook.... I guess in my mind and heart, Asa is my 5th child, not my 4th.  And he is... but Rachel doesn't need a hook.  The funny thing about me is that I'm still going to get a 5th one... because my heart would rather see a hook empty and know she wasn't forgotten, then only have 4.  I have 5 kids, I should have 5 hooks.  The extra one won't serve as a reminder that she's not here, but rather as proof that she was...

Baby Brother shirt courtesy of my friend Cyndie - I didn't want to use the usual "little brother" one cause I wanted Rachel to keep her place as "little sister" and so Cyndie made this shirt to match the ones we had from when Rachel was born.  Thanks Cyndie ♥

And now onto my graces from this week.... I'm so thankful for the blessings of:

20. Snowflakes - unique, once-in-a-lifetime design.  we celebrated Des' birthday with a snowflake theme to symbolize her very special place in our hearts.

loved our last minute idea of hanging snowflakes from the balloons... they were dancing all around us!

21.Music, how it ministers to my soul

22.A warm home on a cold morning

23.8 weeks with Asa and every breath he's taken in them

24.The sound of my kids playing, talking, and growing together

At this point, I decided to count each of my kids and to count 5 blessings from each... and I bet you can guess where Rachel landed...keep reading...

25.Desirae

26.Her contagious giggle

27.Her intelligence & gift of writing

28.Watching her care for Asa (& Sam)

cuddling on the couch...Rachel's blanket, too!

29.Conversations with her, she's so grown up

30.She still calls me 'Mama'

31.Isaiah

32.His Independence

Putting up the hooks for me... getting pretty good with that drill!  (again, Rachel is in the background... see her daisies?) ♥

33.The way he seeks to please the Lord - and tells us to, too!

34.His sensitive heart, he's like a big teddy bear

35.His "all-boy" craziness

36.His bright, big blue eyes and how big they get as he asks me for chocolate for breakfast :o) that's my kid!

37.Samuel

38.He makes us laugh all day long

39.He loves to clean up after himself while singing

40.Hearing him pray

41.His excitement over everything in life

42.The way he says "Love you, too Mama"

Yep, she landed here... #...

43.Rachel  (are you surprised?! I couldn't believe it!)  Unreal. 

44.The way I'm able to share God with others because of her

45.Friends I have because of her

46.She inspires me to do greater things

47.She gives me a longing for heaven

48.The storm and the rainbows that carrying her, knowing her, and loving her have brought to my life.

49.Asa

50.How his fingers wrap around mine, showing me he's alive and strong.

51.Every time he smiles at me, my eyes fill with tears

52.What happens to my heart when we snuggle together

Christmas Morning
Thank You, Jesus that we were able to spend Asa's first Christmas with him

53.The joy & pain that comes as every minute with him reminds me of Rachel.

54.Being able to nurse him - and all our sleepless nights together

55.Rachel's grave is surrounded by beauty - it's good to feel so small.

It's prettier on a sunny Fall day, but still beautiful even when skies are gray

56.Matt offered to drive back to Rachel's grave for me tonight (after we went and I forgot my camera) so he could take a picture of what we were blessed by when we got there...

57.A huge space shoveled for us at Rachel's grave and some dancing shoes. 

  

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58.Jesus conquered the grave! 

I forgot how hard last winter was until tonight when I pulled up and saw that friends (Brent & Naomi?) had shoveled for us... my heart dropped as I remembered all the times I was moved to tears by the way people cared for Rachel's grave last year.  The snow was over 3 feet deep at times and she didn't have a stone yet.  The kids & I would tromp through the snow to bring her a flower - I never missed a Friday no matter what.  I still don't.  Brent & Naomi used to shovel for us every time it snowed and the cemetery used to plow especially for me because they knew I came on Fridays (once they even plowed the entire area around her grave - not just the road!) - but for some reason, I had not even considered the idea that I might find her spot cared for when I got there tonight.  It was such a blessing.  Thank you for remembering us ♥

And what do you know, I finished this at 12:03 again, just like last week!  Maybe I'm supposed to blog on Saturdays, not Fridays!