Thursday, April 21, 2011


Spent a while at Denise's tonight painting the fence for Rachel's Playground... it's going to be so cute.  We painted the background and stems - and one of these nights my family will all go over there and paint our handprints on it as flowers, just like we did with Rachel's vault.  This is all so bittersweet.  How I wish I was too busy taking care of my 4th baby to be out at night painting... and yet I am so proud to be working on such an amazing project for my little girl.  I'm also so thankful to have friends dedicated to helping me as well.  Denise also has in her garage a HUGE giraffe and elephant that she cut out and will be painting for the ark!  It's going to look awesome.  2 weeks from today we'll be starting it!  I can hardly believe it.  I'm getting really excited - and a bit nervous too. 

But just to make sure that I'm not bored after the playground is complete, I have officially... actually Vanessa has officially... scheduled the Baby Rachel's Legacy Walk & Run to be held in Dover on August 6th!  This is going to be an anencephaly awareness walk/run that we will do the weekend after August 4th to mark the anniversary of when we first got Rachel's diagnosis. Mark it on your calendar now!! I'm super excited about this too!  It will be a 5K and the walkers will go a different route than the runners, through the cemetery and past Rachel's grave. 

Like everything else, this is also going to hold some serious emotions for me.  I definitely think having all of these positive things come out of my suffering has helped me to work through my grief.  It doesn't remove it, but it gives me a purpose and lightens my heart.  I could very easily, even still, decide to just lay down and cry.  And I might never get back up.  But I truly believe that God has so much more planned for Rachel's Legacy... and I'm not going to let either one of them down.  So, this is the "secret project" I've mentioned in the past and once again am so thankful that I have a friend helping me make it happen.   We should have a website for it soon, so I'll keep you posted!

After Rachel's funeral, I remember asking "what do I do now?" and I've wondered if I would have the same feeling after the playground was done... but God's timing is always perfect because Vanessa & I first met to mark out the route in December. (remember the day I got my new coat?) :o) We have been waiting (and she has been going back & forth with the town) for months to get the approval on our route.  And we got it this week, just as the playground is finishing up!

I think after the walk, I'm going to take a break :o)  Maybe...  I can't make any guarantees... Just for the record, this wasn't my was Vanessa's!  She approached me (I had no idea who she was when I got the first email - even though she came to Rachel's funeral!) and said she wanted to help me do this... and not only was it a great idea, but I've also gained a great friend.  God is so good to me.  But I can't promise He won't send some other great new friend my way with another project for me to work on when this one is done!  And when it comes to Rachel, well, my answer has never been "no" - it's always been "I will". 

If she was here, I'd give her my all... and I will do the same, even though she's gone.

OH, another thing about the playground... if you are planning on coming, but have not contacted myself or Mary at my church - PLEASE do!!  We are very low on the number of volunteers we have signed up.  We need twice as many as we have definites on.  I know some people plan to just show up, but please for my sanity's sake, call Mary at 603-332-9689 (Grace Community Church) and let her know you plan to come. 

And on that note, you should also listen to WSEW 88.7 because Ron & Sharon Malone have put on a beautiful announcement for Rachel's Playground.  Thank you!!  Desirae's eyes lit up when she heard her little sister's name on the radio! 

OK, so I have been all over the place, but I think you get it... I have TON of really awesome stuff happening all for, and because of, my precious little girl, whose 43 minutes in our arms left more of an impact in this world than some people leave in decades of life.

I'm reminded of the words I wrote in my pregnancy journal in week 10 of Rachel's pregnancy, long before we had any idea she was not going to live.  My "Things you're wondering this week" answer was...

"Why am I so blessed to be your mother and why has God chosen me to be part of your creation?"

Why?  I'll never know...  Blessed, I am.


  1. You're wonderful!!! :) Your girl would be proud! Her legacy and yours will live on forever in many people's hearts!!!

  2. I agree, giving our all and having these positive things come out even through our suffering has helped me survive as much as one can. I am excited about the walk, wish I could be there. *hugs*


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