So, back in October we had to cancel our trip to Florida because I had a really quick build up of amniotic fluid and the Dr recommended I didn't fly. I'm not usually good at listening to the doctor, but the amount of pain I was in scared me and so we reluctantly canceled last minute. It was a hard decision because the night we found out Rachel had anencephaly, I listened to Todd & Angie Smith's story and they had gone to Disney World while Angie was carrying Audrey and it was a great memory for their children to have gone there with their sister while she was still alive. At the end of the broadcast, through tears, I looked at Matt and said "We can bring her to Disney World". This statement meant more than just going to Disney... it was the moment that I pulled up my big girl pants and decided to not waste a second with my girl. I'm so thankful that came so quickly for me. God was very gracious to me in that.
I have lots of things to share about our trip, but tonight I'm just going to share this one and I will have to post more later... apparently my pregnancy sickness has kicked in full force and I'm not only totally exhausted, but I'm also gagging and dry heaving constantly. it's fun.
As we prepared to go to Florida, my heart hurt to know that I would be going without Rachel. After lots of packing and hard work we finally loaded the plane with our 3 little ones who were all smiling ear to ear to be on a plane. The plane began to pick up speed and Isaiah and Des both giggled as we watched out the window. Isaiah started saying... "we're going fast... this is fun!..." and as the plane took to the air he yelled as loud as can be "We're flying!! This is AWESOME!!" Me, being the sap I am, started crying happy tears watching their excitement. And then as the ground started to look more like a map, he said "Look, Mama, I can see Rachel's grave!" and my tears immediately turned to sadness. Sadness because Rachel has a grave and sadness because my little boy thinks about it. Everyone around us was laughing at his reaction to the take off....but their laughter stopped when he said that and they don't even know who Rachel is.
I looked at the seat in front of me and noticed it had a heart in the middle of the wings (obviously Southwest's logo, but I had never noticed) and I thought "a piece of my heart grew wings and flew away too" I took a picture, because that's what I do :o)
But wait, it gets better...
So, we stopped at a gas station and this girl next to us had a red heart, the same size, COLORED on her arm in red marker. Yes, this is strange considering she was in her 20's, but hey, I used to draw faces on my stomach and make them talk.... I was tempted to take a picture, but I resisted - not sure she would've liked that one!
Then we got to the condo we were staying at and I opened the fridge (what else would a pregnant girl check out at a gorgeous condo in Florida?) and almost pooped my pants when I saw what they had left for us
And then at the zoo.... there was a little girl running around with a pink hat on - with you guessed it, a red heart on it...it was a "life is Good" hat. I had to let the photo op go on this one too...her mom probably would have thought I was a nut case. (I'll have more on this later cause I had quite a moment with God over the "life is good" topic while sitting in the zoo's playground - I'm trying hard to stay on topic here!)
When we returned home last night a little before 2am. I was severely sick by this point. 13 hours of travel with 3 kids and in the worst stage of pregnancy... I was putting all my effort into not throwing up my vitamins when I saw Matt glancing at the mail. I had put a stop on it and didn't think we'd have any until Monday. If you know me, you know I LOVE mail... and I saw a pink envelope. The detective in me told me that was a card for me... I went out and asked him for it and looked to see who it was from...brace yourselves...
I got to church late this morning and walked in just as they were singing the song with these lyrics:
And what was on the screen? It was a photo of this written in the sand...just like we did with Rachel's name. (I wrote it on paper to show you since I didn't have my camera with me :o) )