Saturday, October 15, 2011

Broken into Beautiful

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness day.  Last year, I planned Rachel's Shower for October 16 not realizing it was the same weekend.  I can hardly believe it's been a year since we celebrated her life... there was 85 people that came that day...  and while I know that the group of friends I have now are more true, it's hard to look back and see how many people have dwindled away along my road of heartache.

I'm going to a conference today called "Broken into Beautiful, God Restores the Wounded Heart" - the title is perfect (considering everything with Rachel and Asa meaning "God Restores") but the timing is hard.  I really don't want to go because I don't want to be around people that I have to put on my game face for.  I'd rather be alone and that's tough to do in a place where there will be hundreds of women - some of which I'll know.  I want to be able to just soak up what God has for me and not be distracted by small talk, but I don't want to feel rude.  I just want the space to allow this to minister to my heart without the obligation of conversation.  I want to come home feeling refreshed in my heart.  Please pray that I get exactly what I need right now.  I definitely felt like God was nudging me to go - so although I waited until the last minute to buy my ticket, I'm going....

Yesterday when I went to visit Rachel I brought her a sunflower from Asa (one from his shower) and I couldn't believe how pretty her stone looked after the rain...I could see the sunflower's reflection in it and the swirls like never before - it was so shiny and pretty, the type of stone is so rare.  It was worth the wait!  It's amazing what some buffing and some rain can do to a piece of stone.  I'm hoping as I continue on this journey, my heart has a similar response to the "rain and sandpaper" in my life.  That the reflection of the Son in me becomes more apparent and that I feel a little less broken and a little more beautiful.



My heart goes out to all the other Mamas who have lost their babies.  Tonight when I light my candle, I'll be thinking of all of you. ♥  Please do this with us!!

4 comments:

  1. Fire code doesn't allow me to light a candle (I don't think). But I'm thinking and praying for you.

    :hug:

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  2. I found your blog on a facebook post back in November and have been following ever since. I have never met you or your family but I am SO very sorry for your loss, I am SO sorry for your pain, and I am thankful that you are willing to share your journey with me. Virtual (((hugs))) to you Stacy!

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  3. Praying for you today.....May God give you exactly what you need and meet you where you are at. Love and prayers...

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