Saturday, October 15, 2011

Broken into Beautiful

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness day.  Last year, I planned Rachel's Shower for October 16 not realizing it was the same weekend.  I can hardly believe it's been a year since we celebrated her life... there was 85 people that came that day...  and while I know that the group of friends I have now are more true, it's hard to look back and see how many people have dwindled away along my road of heartache.

I'm going to a conference today called "Broken into Beautiful, God Restores the Wounded Heart" - the title is perfect (considering everything with Rachel and Asa meaning "God Restores") but the timing is hard.  I really don't want to go because I don't want to be around people that I have to put on my game face for.  I'd rather be alone and that's tough to do in a place where there will be hundreds of women - some of which I'll know.  I want to be able to just soak up what God has for me and not be distracted by small talk, but I don't want to feel rude.  I just want the space to allow this to minister to my heart without the obligation of conversation.  I want to come home feeling refreshed in my heart.  Please pray that I get exactly what I need right now.  I definitely felt like God was nudging me to go - so although I waited until the last minute to buy my ticket, I'm going....

Yesterday when I went to visit Rachel I brought her a sunflower from Asa (one from his shower) and I couldn't believe how pretty her stone looked after the rain...I could see the sunflower's reflection in it and the swirls like never before - it was so shiny and pretty, the type of stone is so rare.  It was worth the wait!  It's amazing what some buffing and some rain can do to a piece of stone.  I'm hoping as I continue on this journey, my heart has a similar response to the "rain and sandpaper" in my life.  That the reflection of the Son in me becomes more apparent and that I feel a little less broken and a little more beautiful.

My heart goes out to all the other Mamas who have lost their babies.  Tonight when I light my candle, I'll be thinking of all of you. ♥  Please do this with us!!


  1. Fire code doesn't allow me to light a candle (I don't think). But I'm thinking and praying for you.


  2. I found your blog on a facebook post back in November and have been following ever since. I have never met you or your family but I am SO very sorry for your loss, I am SO sorry for your pain, and I am thankful that you are willing to share your journey with me. Virtual (((hugs))) to you Stacy!

  3. Praying for you today.....May God give you exactly what you need and meet you where you are at. Love and prayers...


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Thank you! ♥ The Aubes