Always in Our Hearts

I got a message from my friend Jenn that works at Options for Women.  She is the one heading the new Perinatal Hospice Program they used Rachel's 5K money towards.  She said they had the training for the doctors and medical community yesterday and it went well.  She said that Margery told them about Rachel and that some of them had a new perspective and had not really thought about it before.  I pray that they will be the ones that mothers like me come across in their journey through a fatal prenatal diagnosis.  What a blessing it will be to have people who understand and who treat them and their babies with dignity.  I also pray that the medical community will be more likely to direct them to Options where they will find the support and encouragement they so desperately need.  I can't believe all that has happened in less than one year since Rachel's birth....

So, Jenn is also making the cake for Rachel's birthday and she asked me what I wanted it to say.  I have spent days thinking and couldn't come up with anything.... it should be an easy answer on my daughter's 1st birthday, but it's not.  I had an idea this morning that maybe I should just write a verse on it since none of the normal stuff seemed to really "go".  I thought since flowers have always been Rachel's thing and Jenn's putting some on the cake, I should put a verse about flowers.  I googled and came up with Psalm 103

Verse 15 - As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field

Oh that's a good one, I thought... and then I continued on....

Verse 16 - the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.

 so this is why it's important to not take bible verses out of context...  but all I can say is that when I read the 2nd half, I cried.  Remembers her no more.... ?  I hate that the day will one day come when I'm the only one who still remembers.  I hate that it has happened to some extent already.  I hate that the last year has gone by so fast when every single minute of it has been slow and painful.  I hate that I can't just write Happy Birthday and have it make sense.

I've decided I'll probably write "Always in Our Hearts"

And even that sucks.