"So, that's a dead baby?"I debated whether or not to respond. I wasn't sure if it was an innocent comment that just had no tact or if he was just being mean. I don't want a bunch of negativity on the comments under my girls video (so please resist the urge to go tell this guy off... I know it's hard - if you want to write something, please keep the focus on Rachel and her life) but I decided to comment anyway and wrote:
"She is my daughter who lived for 43 minutes after birth and will live for eternity in heaven. No, she's not dead.That was about as nice as I could be. And then I looked at his page on You Tube. Wow. The only video like Rachel's that he's watched is Rachel's. The others all have to do with his wife "f-ing" other people. So why is this sick man watching my video? Why watch, why comment, why bother me?? He's sick. And honestly, right now, I'm sick to my stomach thinking about it. I'm wondering if I did the wrong thing making her video public? Please pray for discernment on this one for me. I want to share her life and feel like up until now, it's been a positive thing. I'm not sure what's happening now. I feel under attack by the enemy - of course right before I'm due to give birth....
But I do wonder if your heart is alive asking such a blunt question with no tact? Or maybe your point was to be hurtful? If so, please leave me alone. If not, let me know and I'd love to share more about her amazing life and legacy with you."
We have been studying the story of Noah lately. It's come up in history and been the topic of our family devotions for a few days now. I picked the Ark for Rachel's playground because to us it signified how there is always blessing in doing the work that the Lord calls you to do, even if it doesn't make sense at the time. Just like when Noah was building his ark in the middle of a desert, people thought he was crazy - there are so many people who thought me carrying my baby to term knowing she would die was crazy and made no sense. The Ark also reminds me that God provides shelter and protection from the storm.
But this morning I'm feeling a different angle on this story.... the reason God flooded the earth is because there was so much sin and people had turned so far from Him, that He was sorry he created them. So he started over with people who had been devoted to him.
I'm ready to go jump on Rachel's ark and pray for another flood. And if my heart is broken over this, I can only imagine how grieved the Holy Spirit is watching the people on this earth live so far from Him and follow the enemy so contently.
When I woke up this morning, I was in tears because my hip was killing me. I feel like I'm 90 and it honestly scares me to get old cause I could hardly move. But crying over my aching hip was easier than crying over my aching heart.
Me & the kids are going for an early morning walk to the store to get hot chocolate - and hopefully move Asa down further in the birth canal :o) But I'm going to leave all this crap behind and go enjoy my amazing children for a while. I need the fresh air and the smiles. Please pray for me, I'm really struggling as I wait for this boy to join us. My hormones are all over the place, I miss Rachel like crazy, and with stuff like this happening, it's hard to stay positive.
Come, Lord Jesus, Come - we're ready whenever You are.....