Better Off Dead?

I have always tried to stay away from certain topics on my blog....  for one because it's a place for Rachel and for two because I get enough hate mail as it is.

But I sit here tonight, having two different conversations on facebook.... one about Planned Parenthood and the other about March of Dimes.  I posted these links in response to a conversation I had earlier this week with someone who didn't believe the things I was trying to show her about them.  Actually, she wasn't willing to investigate either, she just got defensive and turned on me.

One strand of comments raised the question "Why should we allow babies that are less than perfect to be born, they'd be better off dead than living in a place where they could potentially be unloved or not taken care of well"

The other has to do with Planned Parenthood doing other 'good' things so let's not concentrate on the millions of babies they kill.  And if I do, I'm being judgemental.

One thing Rachel has changed about me where these things are concerned is that I used to get mad.  I used to feel like the women getting the abortions were wrong.  I used to think they used it as a form of birth control - like the girl I was in beauty school with who was 19, on her 3rd abortion and her parents didn't know about them.... What I didn't know was the unbelievable pain and heart ache that comes from having life inside you and having that life taken from you.  I didn't understand how quick the doctors are to schedule that 'solution' rather than giving time to think it through.  I know this now because when I got Rachel's diagnosis, I was immediately told "I will schedule you an appointment in Maine to talk about termination".  If I wasn't the mama bear I am, or if I didn't already greatly distrust doctors, I might have thought this is just what comes next for a baby with no scull.  Even some Christians make that choice because they trust the doctors and are scared.  Some (as one of my hate mail comments said) think it's the best thing for the baby.  I don't judge this, it's only by God's grace I didn't think the same thing with how the doctors lead women through these life-altering diagnoses.

When I said no, abortion wasn't a possibility, she proceeded to tell me that the fetus couldn't feel anything.  When I insisted no, she said "Well, okay, but just so you know, these babies don't come on their own, you'll have to be induced and labor is very difficult on the baby since she doesn't have her head to protect her in the birth canal, it can be very painful for her and it's very scary for the mother."

Let me get this straight....  "The 'fetus' doesn't feel anything."  But if I keep her, she becomes a 'Baby that will be in great pain because of my decision to keep her"

Sounds like a contradiction to me........  Fear, intimidation, blame, insecurities..... what else will they use to get you to do what they think is best?   And I honestly think they think it's what's best.  "Therapeutic abortion" they call it.  :o(

Tonight, I found myself in tears.  Not over babies dead.  I honestly don't worry about them that much.  I know that sounds crazy.  But I don't.  They are ok - and regardless of who the parents are, they go to be with Jesus for all of eternity.  The reason I cry is for the mothers.  I know that they can't escape the truth of their actions.   One day they will know they were lied to and they will be angry.  One day they will have another baby and the reality of what happened to them will not be avoidable. One day they will become aware of the truth that their 'zygot' or 'clump of cells' was a baby and they will mourn.

And I have a extremely soft heart for mourning mothers. 

And as I stood there in my kitchen, crying in front of Matt & the kids, I blubbered about how lost people are... how right and wrong is not relative....about the pain the mothers carry long after abortion.  About the fact that I somehow become the bad guy for caring at all and called judgemental for wanting people to stand against this, even if it means they miss out on personal gain.  And then it dawned on me....

All of this *stuff* going on in my heart about abortion, It's not about politics.  it's all about the fact that Rachel's birthday is coming up and I would give anything to have been able to keep her.  All these people assisting others in sucking the brains out of their babies and I would give anything for my baby's brain to have formed.  All of these people saying murder is health care and I had to fight to get care for Rachel at all.  All of these people convincing young girls that abortion is the easy way out - when I know so many who regret it....and the pain of having life stripped from my womb.

I just want her back - but even if I had my way and Planned Parenthood was closed down, March of Dimes started telling the truth about their mission and the people who call themselves followers of Jesus started taking a stand for Him and what HE declares is right over what will benefit us.

She's still gone.  Is she better off dead?  Yes.  Because she's not really dead, she's alive as can be. And she doesn't have to deal with this crazy world or all the pain in it. But therein lies the problem...  it's not about the baby, it's about the mother who is left behind.  The arms that know they were created to hold the child that was growing inside.  The heart that will always be missing a piece of it.  The soul that has to live in the darkness of reality.  Only Jesus can take that away.  I think maybe I need to start praying different.  Rather than pray that our government will stop funding murder, I need to pray for a revival in the hearts of people.... that they may come to know Him and turn from their evil ways. 

I pray that anyone who has had an abortion - or early termination of their baby - or early induction - or whatever - knows that this is in no way addressing you.  And this isn't about who anyone voted for.  This is about the places that offer what only God should be in control of.  This is about me missing Rachel.  This is about my fear of people thinking she wasn't worth the time, energy, love or money I spent on her. This is about life and death and Who is in charge of it.... and sometimes I don't like what He chooses.  I wish she was here, others wish their babies weren't.  Maybe I'm just jealous that they all get a choice I wish I had.