Sunday, April 22, 2012

How Yesterday Went...

Yesterday was the day we scheduled for Rachel's Playground clean up.  The weather was calling for rain all week and we were wondering if we'd have to cancel.  I asked people to pray that the rain would hold off and I boldly stated that I was praying and refusing to believe the weather was going to stop us....  And wow.  I must admit, I was blown away by the blue skies!  I could hardly believe it wasn't even a bit overcast.  It was over 80 degrees, we all got sunburns and we got a ton of work done!  This morning I woke up to wet grounds and thanked God that He answered our prayers for yesterday.  It's supposed to rain for the most of the next two weeks!

It's times like these when I can't understand how I could ever doubt that I serve a God who is aware of the details in my life and cares for me.  I was so discouraged the day before.  Leading up to this day, I had encountered one issue after another and I was feeling completely unprepared and not very supported.  I had no idea how many people were coming, and to be honest, I was (and still am) disappointed that there weren't more people from our church there.  I'm so thankful for the people - both friends and people I had never met - who came out and helped.  I'm grateful for the heart they have for Rachel and that they haven't forgotten why the playground is there.

At the beginning of the day, I was overwhelmed with how many kids were there.  We ended up with a couple of the girls who came to help offering to sit with the kids and they kept them busy with balls and sidewalk chalk.  After we sealed the fence, benches, artwork and swings, we all started moving the new ground cover in.  At this point most of the adults who came had to leave - which brought about the biggest blessing of the day....the kids started shoveling it into the wheel barrel.  I couldn't believe how hard these little guys were working to care for the playground that they get to enjoy.  They might not understand that they enjoy it at the expense of my great loss, but they took pride in it - and that's more than I can say for a lot of adults who benefit from it.

When we built her playground last year, there was a rainbow at the end of the day.  With the expected rain, I thought for sure we'd see one...but you all were praying so hard, there was no rain to be found...however, Nikki bought a cupcake rainbow that we all enjoyed after lunch :o) 

There is still more to be done - the actual ark wood didn't get sealed - so I'll plan another day soon if you're able to come out....I'll keep you posted on the day...

My friend Kim (the nurse who helped deliver Rachel and Asa) came down from Maine to help.  At one point she said "The playground's beautiful - it's a lot bigger than it looks in the pictures."  I responded, "I know pictures are deceiving" and it sounded a whole lot like the conversation her & I had about Rachel, so I said "Kind of like Rachel".  We both smiled.  Both Rachel and her playground are bigger, more beautiful and mean more to me than any photo could ever show....and it's so nice to be with people who know....

I had one point when I cried.  I took a look from a distance and I was standing alone.  My shoulders sort of fell and all I could say was "I don't want this playground.  I want her."  It is an amazing playground.  I never expected it to remain so painful for me though.  It's very difficult to have my heart out there and little support from people who let their kids disrespect it.  I've been called 'unwelcoming' for wanting to have rules - like don't walk on the slide - but I guess everyone is entitled to their opinions.  (and what kid likes rules?  It's easier to just let them do what they want)

If they were the ones who spent days at a time maintaining it, then I'd say they should get a vote - but funny....none of them came to help - and I bet you'll never see them pulling a weed either.  They leave that stuff for me, the unwelcoming one.  And maybe expecting people to take pride in it, if nothing else but for the sake of it being a memorial, was expecting too much....I've been accused of doing that too...expecting too much.  Some days I wish I built it in my backyard (if I had one) and they could all still be looking at a spot of tick infested grass....because you know me...selfish Stacy.

So there's some pent up feelings for ya... sorry, this was not supposed to be a negative post....

By the time the day was over, I was exhausted and in a lot of pain (I'll update you on that soon), but I felt very God and by the people He has blessed me to know.  I learned another lesson in trusting God for the outcome and was very blessed by his provision.  And I learned, yet again, that some people might not be for me and Rachel - but man oh man , there are SO many who are.  And I have never had this many true friends in all my life.  I'm very very thankful for that.  And I love you all ♥

I uploaded pics for you - and then my friend Amanda sent me some she took so I uploaded the ones I wanted of those.  And I feel like I could cry...ok I am crying... telling you that when I went to the album, there guessed it, 43 of them.  I don't know if it's God?  Rachel?  But I do know it happens WAY too much to be a coincidence.  And I know it always happens when I need it most.

Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who came out to help.  You have no idea what it means to me and I am so grateful for your love.

P.S.  I just went back to edit the spacing I noticed was off after I posted this and saw that I posted it at 4:33 :o)


  1. Let me know the next day you guys are getting together love to try to be there


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Thank you! ♥ The Aubes