Friday, April 20, 2012

"I Love Fridays"

I woke up this morning, Asa snuggling his chubby warm cheek on mine, to the sound of the kids giggling in the kitchen and Matt saying "Mmmmm, that's a yummy orange."  I searched my mind for what day of the week it was and tried to recall what I had to do today...  nothing.  No homeschool, no commitments or appointments, no work tonight....just me and my family...and time with my girl.  The sun was shining and as I stretched, I thought to myself "I love Fridays."

Did I really say that?

In that moment I sensed that I must be healing...even if it still hurts.  It's almost as if I forget how bad it hurt when I first had to let go of her.  As if it was someone else.  I guess technically, it was. 

Every Friday, my friend Amanda goes with her family to visit my girl, too.  I actually didn't even know who she was the first time I found a gift from her there.  And for months I had no idea that she regularly visited Rachel.  I've actually been very blessed to find out that there are a few people who do....Donna goes on Saturdays, Peggy (who I've also never met...yet!) goes regularly, Ellen walks there often and helps tend to her things, and you all know Naomi shovels for me all winter (even after she just had a baby girl! Who, by the way I got to hold this week ♥)  Jill has been dropping by a lot and I know that there are probably more that I am not aware of.

And so although I stand there alone often, it feels a little less lonely.  I know there are people who care, who think of her - and me - and who see all the work I put into loving her there.  It's a blessing.

Today I got there when Amanda and her kids were there.  I never thought this is what I would be spending my time doing, but we hung out for close to 2 hours.  The kids ran around and kicked a ball around in the field while Amanda and I got a chance for some 'girl time' at my girl's grave.  At one point I looked around and our 9 kids were scattered everywhere and said "look at all our kids!" - I just felt so blessed.  Her son and Isaiah just kept putting dandelions on Rachel's grave - and they all loved Asa to pieces. 

The tulips I planted when I was 9 months pregnant with Asa have fully bloomed and the trees all around are covered in pretty flowers... pink & white everywhere...  the grass is green and new life surrounds us there.  And I have yet to lose Hope.

So while I never thought my life would ever involve so much time at a cemetery, I'm able to really see how rich my life is because of the little girl buried there...  I have never felt so loved in all my life...  I have never known God so intimately or how much He loves me.... I never truly understood what a blessing children are.... I never knew how much I was capable of...

I never expected to love Fridays.... but I think I do.

Thank You Jesus for your healing touch.


  1. What a beautiful post! And I love the picture! 10 beautiful children wow!
    Hugs and love, anja

  2. I couldn't agree with Anja more! Ten (10) beautiful children and one (1) beautiful post!

  3. I was honored you held Anna! As we were leaving church I saw a little girl look at the playground ask her mom "who's Rachel?" It reminds me of when God would do something great for the Israelites and have them build a monument so that their children would see it and ask about it and the story of what God did would be told again.

  4. Love being able to make your girl a part of our "Dover day". <3 all 10 of our super sweet kiddos!


We so appreciate your words of encouragement!
Thank you! ♥ The Aubes