Thursday, April 26, 2012

Rain and Sunsets

I had a really rough afternoon.  I cried a lot. I had something happen today that just left me really tired of having a dead baby.  I mean *really* tired. 

I was driving to work, puffy faced and still crying when, out of nowhere, it started raining.  The funny part is that the skies were still blue.  Again, my camera failed me, but if you look close, you can see the rain all over the windshield.  And it occurred to me that yes, there was rain right in front of me, but up ahead somewhere, blue skies... and more than that, I knew that even though I couldn't see it - there must have been a rainbow somewhere.  You just can't have this much rain and sun at the same time and NOT have a rainbow....  somewhere.

I was almost to work, which is right by where we have Rachel's Race, when I looked over and saw the field we meet in for the race.  My first thought was "I'm so sick of having a dead baby" and then I saw a girl standing on the corner, wearing a shirt from last year's race. *Timing is everything!*  I saw Rachel's little hands on the front and just knew.... there's more to it than a dead baby.

I went to work and when I got out, I was again crying.  I decided to head over to the cemetery since Rachel is buried just minutes from my work.  As I pulled into the cemetery, I saw the most beautiful sunset. 
Rachel's grave is straight ahead on the other side of this field.

I pulled around and the colors in the sky just kept getting more stunning.  It's like God was using the beauty in the sky to distract me from the ugliness of my day.  Most of the time when I go there after work hours, I see this little old man get out of his car a few rows behind Rachel.  I realized tonight that this man must go visit his (wife?) every day...  cemeteries hold such sorrow... such loyalty... such dedication...  and tonight... such beauty.

I got out and picked up a few of the pedals from her tulips that had fallen.... probably from the rain we had earlier this week.  The fragrance of her flowers and the flowers on the trees near by, mixed with the pretty sky had me in awe....  I took in a few deep breaths and got in the van to head home, knowing Asa would need to eat soon.  When I got in the van, the lyrics on the radio said "you'll be in my dreams tonight" -  I called Matt and immediately was bawling again.  As I drove out of the cemetery, I was so amazed at the scenery in the distance, I pulled over to take another picture - tears still streaming down my face.

What you can't see in these pictures, other than how rich the colors actually are, is the fact that in the distance there was the outline of mountains.  I have never noticed this or seen a sunset like this in all my days and nights visiting Rachel.  I got out to take this picture and said out loud "God, you have the most beautiful color pallet" 

And I truly felt like He was thinking of me... little old me.... when He drew this in the sky tonight. 

Maybe I'm just being self-centered though... I'm sure there were many other people who needed to see this tonight.  Or maybe He just loves me that much....  who knows.


  1. He does love you that much! I'm sorry, Stacey. I wish I had the words that would give peace to your soul and take some of the hurt away. Know you are loved more than you know.


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