I found out I was a mother.
I woke up at 23 years old at 6am to a corrections officer kicking the bottom of my bunk and yelling "Macomber, wake up call!" I rolled out of bed, got dressed, brushed my teeth with my half-sized tooth brush and combed my hair. I signed out for work release and drove to work, feeling nauseous the whole way. I called my lawyer on the way and told the receptionist that I needed a pregnancy test but the jail wouldn't give me one. She went and bought me one and dropped it off at my work. Wearing my Dunkin Donuts uniform, I stood in the dirty public bathroom on my break. I had taken tests before I went to jail in hopes that I would have something to be happy about... but there was always a missing line.
Until that moment. Immediately I had two lines. I stood there smiling like a deer in the headlights. I looked at myself in the mirror and knew I would never be the same. I tucked the test in my pocket and went back to work.
I was a mom and I loved it already. To this day, that test remains in a drawer upstairs... with a new one for each baby, numbered accordingly.
I wasn't supposed to have contact with anyone or stop anywhere else while I was out for work, so I had to go back to jail that afternoon and keep my secret to myself. The joy was so intense I wanted to die not being able to tell anyone.
I took my chances and sitting next to an officer who monitored calls, I called my parents and then Matt. Collect. From jail. "I'm pregnant" I whispered. I remember telling Matt's mom and saying "I hope it looks just like Matt" - and did she ever.
That day I traded all my cigarettes for other people's crackers with peanut butter and other snacks and never touched one again. (10 years!) Desirae gave me a reason to live... a reason to do a lot of things - and to NOT do a lot of things.
And since that day, I have cherished being a mom. I've taken the role seriously and loved fiercely. I have never, not once, wished I wasn't. Each and every time I've been blessed beyond measure to accept the title to a new baby. Mama. That's what I am. And I love it. Thank You Lord.
Yesterday at our appointment, Isaiah was 43 inches tall and weighed in at 43 pounds. And this morning, I found myself reading Isaiah 43. (v.1-7) His promises are another treasure I cherish....
And He who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you.
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I gave Egypt for your ransom,
Ethiopia and Seba in your place.
You have been honored,
And I have loved you;
Therefore I will give men for you,
And people for your life.
I will bring your descendants from the east,
And gather you from the west;
And to the south, ‘Do not keep them back!’
Bring My sons from afar,
And My daughters from the ends of the earth—
Whom I have created for My glory;
I have formed him, yes, I have made him.”