He gives us the desires of our hearts

Casket shopping has been tough, in more ways than one. We didn't like the only choice that the funeral home had, so he said we could look online. I spent hours trying to find one we liked and could afford. I found one that we really liked, but the site didn't have prices listed. I called and found out it was $575 and then you still have to buy a vault, which is close to another $200. We just couldn't do that, so I kept looking. I found another one we liked, but didn't like the vault so I sent an e-mail asking what other choices we'd have. The woman called me right back (at 10:15pm!) and answered all my questions. We decided we'd go with that one, which would be around $460 for both. This morning I got an e-mail from the same woman, telling me I should try another site (can you tell she's a Christian?, offering potential business another option because she knew it would be better for us!) She said they have a "fund" so that we could get a discount on a casket. I checked it out and they only had one choice...the same exact one we had originally had our hearts set on - and they are only charging us shipping! $30! That's much better than $575! We did give a little extra and have decided that we will continue to send money to this fund for people who need it in the future for their babies. All we need now is the vault. I ordered the casket and thanked God that He gives us the desires of our hearts. He is so good to us. One day we are looking at a casket, disappointed that it wasn't a possibility and the next day it's on the way to our house - and for way less than we would've paid for even the one we didn't like at the funeral home. Did I mention that these caskets are handmade by monks who pray over them the entire time they are building them? AND that the company plants a red oak tree in honor of every baby buried in one... AND they carve out a small cross from it so that we can keep a part of her casket with us.

These are things I never imagined I would ever have to consider, let alone get excited about.

Sometimes while I'm talking to people, I hear myself talking and realize the depths of this trial. I often cry when I hear myself talking about what I want for my daughter...a cement or plastic vault, who will bring her to the funeral home, is 2 1/2 feet deep enough?, what will she wear to her funeral?, will we have calling hours the night before?, How will I show people how awesome she is if they never get to meet her?

The only explanation for how I am able to hold it together when all I wanted to do was pick out some pink clothes and decorate a cute room is by the Grace and mercy of God. Along with complete trust that He will give me the desires of my heart....sometimes that means He'll give me what I want and sometimes it means He changes my wants to meet His will. But He never fails. He has proven Himself time and time again in much "easier" circumstances. I am positive that this time will be no different. And we eagerly await that day.