Asa's Heart

Asa had his cardiologist appointment today.  They did an EKG and then a really long ultrasound of his heart that took over 45 minutes.  He was so good, he laid there staring into my eyes the whole time nice and still.  The appointment was well over 2 hours all together, but uninterrupted time with my boy is hard to come by around here so it was nice to hang out, just me & him.  I can't get enough of him.

His murmur looks harmless, but they did see that he has "PFO" which is short for a really long name that basically means his flap between the right and left side of his heart that should have closed after birth, didn't.  The doctor said that is most likely why he turns so blue when he cries. (blood goes through the opening, which it's not supposed to do because it should be closed, but pressure from crying hard could cause that)  He also recommended I not google it because there was a school of thought a while back that PFO's caused strokes, which he said is not correct - UNLESS he goes scuba diving.  No joke... if he ever wants to scuba dive, he needs to get another EKG first.  Strange, but I think that buys us some time. 

Strokes run in Matt's side of the family so this isn't the best news I've ever gotten, but it's not the worst either... and although I really didn't think they would find anything, there were moments during that visit as I waited - and I watched her scan his little heart - that I thought; what if today is the day that I get HIS diagnosis??  What if I'm sitting here thinking it's all fine and not taking it seriously enough when he is actually really sick and I just don't know it yet.... like the day I had Rachel's ultrasound....What if the doctor reads this and tells me he has heart problems?  What if this is the first of many appointments here and he dies from a bad heart?  How could I handle that??  Please God, let me keep him....

A nurse held him for me while I went to the bathroom.  I asked her if she minded and she said "are you kidding, this is my Christmas present!"  To which I replied: "He's my Christmas present, too" - if only she knew.

I would have been happier with no findings at all, but I'm glad that today was not a life altering doctor appointment for me, my boy and our family....unless he grows to have an intense desire to scuba dive.

I'm not going to google it....yet.  Tonight I'm just taking it all in....and I do have confidence that a doctor from Boston Children's Hospital isn't going to misguide me on this.  But someday I may dare to see what Dr. Google says about it. (if you feel the need to look it up, please don't tell me about it - good or bad)  For now, I'm counting my blessings....