In worship this morning at church we sang "Oh happy day". This song is super upbeat and usually brings tears of joy because I am full of thanks for Jesus' love for me...I usually think about where I was at before I knew Him and literally dance in His love as I sing, knowing that I don't deserve what He's done for me... and that my life could never have had true joy or peace without Him.
Today all I could think about was how this song applies to my girl... and of course, when I went on You Tube to find a video to share, the first one I found that was the same version we sing at church had hearts as the dot of every eye! :o)
I have to admit that, as of right now, I don't often think about Rachel or look at her things, without getting sad. I don't usually feel like shouting "oh happy day!" when another week goes by without her. I don't usually truly celebrate her anniversaries... every time we have come to a 3rd of the month or a Friday, I remember her and am heartbroken that she's not here. The things I do to acknowledge these days are usually pretty difficult to get through. My pain is really the underlying emotion and my smile is the part I force for her sake and for the sake of others around me. I have hope that eventually my smile will be more heartfelt, but I'd be lying if I said that I smiled because I was so happy that I couldn't contain it.
But we don't sing "oh happy day!" or wear a cross around our necks because we're glad Jesus died a criminals death that He didn't deserve on a cross. We do these things because He didn't stay there - we do these things because He conquered the grave.
How could I not rejoice for her? I thought about His life... and hers. I thought about His death...and hers. I thought about His blood...and hers. I thought about His empty grave...and hers. I thought about them standing face to face in heaven....
And I couldn't help but smile.
I've always said I would sacrifice anything for my children to know the Lord and spend eternity with us in heaven. Every decision we make for our children revolves around whether it will draw them to or away from the Lord and we have never cared what that meant we would go without or how hard it will be for us.
And so why should I look at Rachel's life any different? I have been left with pain, heartache and sorrow... but she's in heaven and I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. (3John 1:4) You can't get any closer to the Truth than she is.
Celebrating your 7 Months with Jesus, sweet girl. Mama misses you.