Saturday, July 30, 2011

My "Friends" of Job

Things have been tough lately.  My grief is heavy at times and just when I think I'm surrounded by people who love me, it never fails... someone has a problem with how I'm handling my loss.  I find it next to impossible to not want to defend myself.  Well, this time, I'm also being lied about and that's even harder to not want to defend myself in.  It's a lose/lose situation for me... I say nothing and she gets to continue to lie about what happened.  I say something and I'm now being divisive in the body of Christ.  And so I have to trust that God will be my defender.  Can you please pray this for and with me? 

I know that God uses everything for my good.  I trust that this is too, but in the process, I feel like I've been duped.  I went against my first instinct and ran ahead in a relationship that I never should have entered and I knew it.  And now I am left with the aftermath of it.  It's a sad fact that some people's motives are wrong, even when they claim to be "helping". 

This probably makes no sense, but I can't really say any more. I've often thought about Job, his suffering and his judgemental friends as I've made my way through this past year.  It's hard enough as it is, but it never ceases to amaze me how cruel and selfish people can be in the name of "concern". 

The accuser (satan) is ruthless, and through Job's friends he kept aggravating Job and pouring salt in the wounds. They meant well, but they were all wrong. Job finally defended himself. “What you know, I also know; I am not inferior to you. But you forgers of lies, you are all worthless physicians.” ( Job 13:2, 4) “Miserable comforters are you all!” (16:2) “How long will you torment my soul, and break me in pieces with words? These ten times you have reproached me; You are not ashamed that you have wronged me.” (19:2, 3)

I know Job experienced many more losses than me, but I can relate to the frustration and hurt from people who are supposed to love me adding insult to injury and analyzing everything I say and do and then talking about it behind my back as if they are just worried. I understand that the bigger the target is, the more people will shoot at it and I've kind of made myself a big target by having this blog.  I may not always say the right things or feel the way people think I should, but I love my God and He loves me.

I know the majority of you reading this blog do not use my words to attack me, but instead pray for me and support me and cry with me.  Thank you.  And I know that the people who know me well, know where I'm really at in my grief, even when I write about a valley on my blog - that even at my lowest, I'm still anchored to my Savior. 

I know many of you do not look down on me when I am in that place.  I know that people who have carried a baby to term and buried them understand why I would still be crying (or even crying more since I'm pregnant again) and certainly would understand why throwing Rachel's name around in a negative light is absolutely unacceptable.  And I'm sure that anyone who has struggled with alcoholism knows why I would at times think about drinking.  I try to remind myself that it is very few people who do this to me and keep it in it's proper place in my mind - that these people don't know me and are out of bounds with their conclusions about me or how they would handle my situation.  Although this girl said "I know I will never know what you're going through, BUT..." (there's always a "but") - except she's assuming she won't ever know.  I pray for her sake that if she does ever "know" what I'm going through, people don't do to her what she is doing to me.

Thank you to those of you who truly LOVE me and are here for me, not looking to constantly pick me apart or looking under every rock for a problem that you can solve for me.  I know it's the unhealthy people who do those things... and that people who love me will walk beside me and give me a shoulder to cry on.  I know that when a real friend is truly concerned, they will come to me in a manner of love and instead of judging me with how much they think they know, they will pray with me and for me and tell me they are here... and if I need it, say nothing or just cry with me.  I have friends like this and I am so grateful for you.

I wanted to share a devotional my friend Nicola sent me a few weeks I read it, I was thinking about how Job's friends seemed to be doing good with comforting him until Job finally started talking again and then they saw that as their "in" to tell him what they thought about his position and trial.  I again could identify.  It makes it very hard to want to develop new relationships at this point in my life when so often, people immediately get judgemental and even though they barely know me, think it's appropriate to analyze my trial.

Anyway,  too bad Job's friends couldn't have just remained supportive.  But their pride made them think they had answers Job needed to hear.  I know some people like that.  I guess times haven't changed too much since Job was alive.

The Best Kind of Encouragement
So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great. —Job 2:13

When Jesus entered the Garden of Gethsemane, He told the disciples, “Sit here while I go and pray over there” (Matthew 26:36). Then He handpicked Peter, James, and John to go with Him.

Notice that Jesus did not say, “Explain this to Me,” because He didn’t need an explanation. He was God, after all. Nor did He say, “Preach to Me,” because He certainly didn’t need a sermon. He just wanted His friends to stay with them.

Jesus was lonely. Though God and yet man, He was experiencing cosmic, epic loneliness, and He was asking for a little companionship.

This is a reminder that when someone is suffering, one of the best things we can do is just be there. Galatians 6:2 tells us, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

When Job’s world fell apart and he lost everything that was dear to him in a matter of hours, his wife only added insult to injury when she said, “Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!” (Job 2:9). Imagine that on a greeting card.

But Job had three friends who showed up, and when they saw Job covered in boils and despondent, they just sat with him and cried. And that was the best thing they could have done for him.

That is often what people really need when they are suffering—someone to just weep with them. We don’t always need to have the answers. The fact of the matter is that we rarely do.

When someone is hurting or suffering, we can actually cause more pain when we try to give people answers. It has been said, “Preach the gospel, and when necessary, use words.” Sometimes the best thing you can do is just be there.

Summary sentence: Sometimes the best encouragement is your presence without words.

(Devotional Copied from Harvest Ministries.)


  1. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this person who is continually causing you pain. I pray for you continually and will pray specifically for this situation.



  2. I know I have heard that last statement before..."Preach the Gospel, and when nessesary; use words."
    but, I think it's going to be my new saying...
    Thanks for sharing!

  3. Hi Stacy,

    Sorry that the struggles continue. I don't have any wise words to say, but I will share that I've had this song on my heart today ..... 'Everlasting God' & when I read your post, this part specificially sprang to mind: "Our God, You reign forever
    Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
    You are the everlasting God
    The everlasting God
    You do not faint You won't grow weary
    You're the defender of the weak
    You comfort those in need
    You lift us up on wings like eagles."

    I know with all of my heart that God is all of these things and so much more!!!! And He is Your defender, Stacy! He knows when you've been wronged & sometimes that is the greatest comfort of all! I continue to pray that you feel His presence with you constantly & continue to heal through His grace!


  4. I can't believe that there are expectations put on how a mom should grieve and although you don't need my recognition I commend you for having dealt with such loss staying anchored to God and being able to express yourself on YOUR blog. We are friends through church, yet I feel like I've known you and your heart of a mom through your blog and I thank you so much for always staying true to you and speaking what's truly on your mind/heart. You've touched me in more ways that you'll ever know. I'm always here for you and hope that you know that. <3

  5. Stacy,
    I often find myself in Job or thinking about Job as the pain of losing Stella still seems so fresh. I echo what you shared from the devotional. The best, most wonderful way to "be there" is to weep with us without words. Weeping with you and praying for you!


We so appreciate your words of encouragement!
Thank you! ♥ The Aubes